The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert
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NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • Over a million copies sold! “An eminently practical guide to an emotionally intelligent—and long- lasting—marriage.”—Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work has revolutionized the way we understand, repair, and strengthen marriages. John Gottman’s unprecedented study of couples over a period of years has allowed him to observe the habits that can make—and break—a marriage. Here is the culmination of that work: the seven principles that guide couples on a path toward a harmonious and long-lasting relationship. Straightforward yet profound, these principles teach partners new approaches for resolving conflicts, creating new common ground, and achieving greater levels of intimacy. Gottman offers strategies and resources to help couples collaborate more effectively to resolve any problem, whether dealing with issues related to sex, money, religion, work, family, or anything else. Packed with new exercises and the latest research out of the esteemed Gottman Institute, this revised edition of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is the definitive guide for anyone who wants their relationship to attain its highest potential. Read more
Publisher : Harmony
Publication date : May 5, 2015
Edition : Updated
Language : English
Print length : 320 pages
ISBN-10 : 2
ISBN-13 : 12
Item Weight : 2.31 pounds
Dimensions : 5.2 x 0.69 x 7.95 inches
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Top Amazon Reviews
Format: Paperback
Wow! Absolutely loved this book I must say. When I got this book, I wasnt sure Id love it. I know many people recommended it but after reading the negative reviews I was a tiny bit hesitant. But I am so GLAD I bit the bullet. I recommend this for anyone interested in having a long lasting relationship and many years of a beautiful marriage, either one you are currently in or one you want in the future. These truly do seem the keys to make most marriages last for sure. Even the ways conflict is handled is EXACTLY what I been asking for and EXACTLY what I wanted to see. This is the way conflict should be handled. Another pro: the book exercises are very helpful. After reading the questions and surveys I found them extremely helpful in identifying the core issues or positives in a marriage. People don't realize you are A TEAM when you are married. Its YOU 2 first, and this book preaches that. Also the 7 principles themselves I found to be very true and reading the studies as examples were quite helpful. I also appreciate how the book provides practical examples and tips on HOW to bring up certain topics, what to say, what to do in certain marital situations. The only complaint I have about this book is it doesnt seem to go into too much when to truly call it quits in a marriage. I absolutely agree that in most cases people call it quits far too early and people end what could have been such a beautiful thing for silly reasons that can be resolved or learn to co-exist peacefully, but I will say in some fairly rare situations there are times where a marriage simply wont work. I wish the book delved into that a bit more of what are the signs that your marriage really needs to end. But I would say that is a fairly rare case and again MOST of the time it can be improved with many of the exercises and points made in the book My other gripe is that the pages are so thin that it doesnt withstand the wrath of my highlighter! I wish it was a tiny bit thicker because I have to be very gentle with how I highlight so it doesnt bleed through... and trust me, I highlighted A TON in this book. So helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on February 24, 2025 by Kamberly V
Format: Paperback
Dr. John Gottman’s book “Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” is an insightful and invaluable guide that provides a beacon of hope and practical advice for couples navigating the complexities of marriage. This book delves deep into the core principles that foster strong and lasting relationships. Dr. Gottman draws upon his extensive research and clinical experience to outline actionable strategies, allowing readers to understand the dynamics within their relationship and cultivate a deeper connection with their partner. What sets this book apart is its empathetic approach. Dr. Gottman addresses common relationship pitfalls with sensitivity, offering guidance without judgment. His emphasis on communication, emotional intelligence, and understanding the dynamics of conflict resolution provides a roadmap for couples seeking to improve their relationship dynamics. Each principle outlined in the book is supported by real-life examples and exercises, making it accessible and relatable. The practical nature of the advice allows couples to implement these principles in their daily lives, fostering a more profound sense of understanding and intimacy. Moreover, the book doesn’t just focus on problem-solving; it also highlights the importance of fostering positive interactions and building a foundation of trust and respect. Dr. Gottman’s emphasis on celebrating love and cherishing the bond between partners resonates throughout the book, inspiring hope and motivation for couples facing challenges. One of the most compelling aspects of “Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” is its universal applicability. Regardless of the stage of your relationship, whether you’re newlyweds or have been together for years, the wisdom imparted in this book offers something valuable for everyone. In conclusion, this book is a treasure trove of wisdom and guidance for couples seeking to strengthen their relationship. Dr. Gottman’s expertise, compassionate approach, and actionable advice make “Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” an essential read for anyone invested in cultivating a thriving and enduring partnership.
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Reviewed in the United States on December 12, 2023 by Madz
Format: Paperback
Seeing a marriage counselor and he said he uses this book and its tenets all the time because it's so effective, based on scientific research. I got one each for my husband and myself. We enjoyed doing the exercises at the end of Chapter 4. I read the hopeful parts of the book, the truly practical things couples do to improve and enrich their marriages and, thus, their lives. Sadly, then I read the chapter on "why couples don't make it." Shoot...they mostly apply to us. I analyze and nag too much, my husband is critical and snide all the time and we've let our friendship dwindle to low ebb. We've been married for over 2 decades and it's hard to see us change enough and in enough time to avoid divorce. We're both that miserable. The beauty of the book is that it provides excellent analysis and descriptions of both success and failure in marriage: literally, the author and all professionals who apply these principles can predict whether or not a couple will be able to resolve their conflicts successfully or not within a very short period of time based on how they treat each other. Certainly, the marriages that can seem destined to failed can be turned around if both spouses embrace the process and are willing to work on THEMSELVES and not so much try to "fix" their spouses. So clearly explained, all problems (and ALL marriages encounter problems...you newlyweds are kidding yourselves if you don't believe this) can be divided into the Solvable and Unsolvable. Obviously, by definition, most Solvable Problems can be solved. And it doesn't have to be that Unsolvable Problems lead inevitably to divorce. Sometimes the problem can't be changed by either party such as one becoming ill with cancer or diabetes and the other can't abide having a spouse who is ill. But even having a "mixed marriage" such as 2 conflicting religions can be worked out if they ignore their families' and friends' condemnation and agree to adhere to either or both religions--together or separately--and doing the same for children. Even couples who can't agree on whether or not to have children or cannot procreate themselves to the sorrow of either or both spouses can be resolved well enough to stay together and be happy. If nothing else, Unsolvable Problems can make the marriage stronger if the parties turn to each other in love and for support instead of turning away from each other in anger or sorrow. It's all a matter if you require to get your own way on every issue or allow yourself to build up ginormous resentment by always being the one who caves in to your spouse's demands, supposedly just to keep the peace. That's not a peaceful existence. Right now, I'm not sanguine that it'll work but my husband and I will both give it the ol' college try. I'll keep you posted.
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Reviewed in the United States on July 2, 2017 by Jane in Milwaukee
Format: Paperback
I think this book was great when it discussed its main point: both partners need to build friendship, trust, forgiveness and purpose to make their marriages work. I agree that too much marital advice focuses on communication and conflict management, instead of relationship building. That said, the advice on starting a discussion with a soft start-up to reduce stress and encourage listening was good. However, this book did have some bad advice that was obviously bad. For example, the advice about managing conflict between in-laws and spouses was overly simplistic because it assumed that the in-law was the unreasonable and disrespectful party, instead of acknowledging that spouses are very capable of displaying pettiness and disrespect (there was no advice for navigating that). Also, the statement "women find a man's willingness to do housework extremely erotic" was absolutely ludicrous. Choreplay does not work--never has, never will. So read this book with a bit of skepticism, but it was worthwhile overall.
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Reviewed in the United States on May 11, 2026 by Kaeru Kawazu
Format: Audiobook
I have read many books on marriage and meet with couples to mentor them in their marriage. I have found no better secular book to lay out how to invest in marriages that set the marriage up for success. I highly recommend this book!
Reviewed in the United States on December 8, 2025 by Kindle Customer
Format: Paperback
I picked up this book after hearing John and Julie Gottman on a podcast. I was so impressed with their approach to counseling and the words of marital wisdom, I had to pick up this book. I devoured every chapter and have learned so much. It's going to be a re-read several times into my future! I talked about the concepts and discoveries in this book so much, my husband became intrigued, and it sparked many long conversations at dinner. We even decided to set a marriage retreat for ourselves this past year, and used many of the quizzes and questions in the book to guide us. After our weekend, my husband and I both thought the conversations we had due to this book were some of the best and deepest in our marriage. This has now become a must-needed road-trip companion for us any time we're in the car. Thank you to John Gottman and Nan Silver for such a transformational marriage book!
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Reviewed in the United States on March 13, 2026 by Jo
Format: Paperback
I do a lot of couples therapy references. When doing couples therapy the Gottman’s have amazing principles that help guide connection. If you’re busy and want a short read, this is 100% the book for you. As a therapist, I recommend this 100 times.
Reviewed in the United States on May 4, 2026 by I love the necklace but very misleading saying necklace and braclet. Honestly I only ordered because I thought both pieces were together!
Format: Paperback
This book is an easy read. It was so enlightening and is an excellent resource to improve communications in a committed relationship. Good exercises too.
Reviewed in the United States on September 8, 2025 by Lisa D