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Harmony

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert

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Publisher : Harmony; Revised ed. edition (May 5, 2015)


Language : English


Paperback : 320 pages


ISBN-10 : 2


ISBN-13 : 12


Item Weight : 8 ounces


Dimensions : 5.19 x 0.65 x 7.97 inches


Best Sellers Rank: #278 in Books (See Top 100 in Books) #1 in Family Conflict Resolution #1 in Conflict Management #3 in Marriage


#1 in Family Conflict Resolution:


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Top Amazon Reviews

    • VERY anti male relationship book. Unbearable at times.
Review Image by A Dufrene
This book is incredibly anti male. You hear words like "male privilege" and discussions of husbands relenting their "power" to the wife. There is an entire section called "What husbands can learn from their wives. Yet not one section on what women can learn from their husbands. It implies that men are screwing up marriages across the country. I've never felt so emasculated after reading a book. This book had so much potential but between the "I'M THE BEST RESEARCHER EVER" author and the constant need for men to fix what they are doing wrong, it was tough to stomach. And this is the "Completely Revised and Updated" version. I don't know if they made it harder on the male in the marriage but they sure didn't make it easier. It has a very Social Justice Warrior feel to it with all of the buzzwords like "triggers and privilege. Men are sexual beings, and relationships revolve around love, communication and sex, and this book with 284 pages covers sex in 13 whole pages. Look, I'm not a male blowhard who is puffing out his chest. I'm reading books in order to make my marriage better. That should tell you enough right there. But if you are looking to feel terrible after reading a book that is supposed to help your marriage, then this is the book for you! This book now resides where it should have been after page 16; in the trash can. ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on May 29, 2019 by A Dufrene
    • Interim Review: 7/2/2017:
Seeing a marriage counselor and he said he uses this book and its tenets all the time because it's so effective, based on scientific research. I got one each for my husband and myself. We enjoyed doing the exercises at the end of Chapter 4. I read the hopeful parts of the book, the truly practical things couples do to improve and enrich their marriages and, thus, their lives. Sadly, then I read the chapter on "why couples don't make it." Shoot...they mostly apply to us. I analyze and nag too much, my husband is critical and snide all the time and we've let our friendship dwindle to low ebb. We've been married for over 2 decades and it's hard to see us change enough and in enough time to avoid divorce. We're both that miserable. The beauty of the book is that it provides excellent analysis and descriptions of both success and failure in marriage: literally, the author and all professionals who apply these principles can predict whether or not a couple will be able to resolve their conflicts successfully or not within a very short period of time based on how they treat each other. Certainly, the marriages that can seem destined to failed can be turned around if both spouses embrace the process and are willing to work on THEMSELVES and not so much try to "fix" their spouses. So clearly explained, all problems (and ALL marriages encounter problems...you newlyweds are kidding yourselves if you don't believe this) can be divided into the Solvable and Unsolvable. Obviously, by definition, most Solvable Problems can be solved. And it doesn't have to be that Unsolvable Problems lead inevitably to divorce. Sometimes the problem can't be changed by either party such as one becoming ill with cancer or diabetes and the other can't abide having a spouse who is ill. But even having a "mixed marriage" such as 2 conflicting religions can be worked out if they ignore their families' and friends' condemnation and agree to adhere to either or both religions--together or separately--and doing the same for children. Even couples who can't agree on whether or not to have children or cannot procreate themselves to the sorrow of either or both spouses can be resolved well enough to stay together and be happy. If nothing else, Unsolvable Problems can make the marriage stronger if the parties turn to each other in love and for support instead of turning away from each other in anger or sorrow. It's all a matter if you require to get your own way on every issue or allow yourself to build up ginormous resentment by always being the one who caves in to your spouse's demands, supposedly just to keep the peace. That's not a peaceful existence. Right now, I'm not sanguine that it'll work but my husband and I will both give it the ol' college try. I'll keep you posted. ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on July 2, 2017 by Jane in Milwaukee
    • Outdated and offensive
Honestly, I am stunned at this book after having read so many reviews raving about it. I knew I was in trouble when the author kept touting his research from his “love lab” where couples sign up to spend the night and “act normal” while being observed. It’s frankly laughable to call that science and to believe that your data is relevant...the very act of being observed is going to affect everything about how the couples respond. My other clue that his book wasn’t for me was the author’s insistence that all the other therapists are wrong who say you need to work on communication and address your deeper issues. According to this guy, all you need to do is read how “happy couples” act with each other, and copy their behavior. Not feeling it? It’s okay, fake it til you make it. Tell yourself you’re having these positive thoughts and feelings and eventually, they’ll actually happen legitimately. You don’t have to resolve your major marital conflicts for your marriage to survive. Um, yeah, you do. This book will not resonate with the modern couple (unless you’re excited to learn all about your “emotional bank account” and enhancing your “love map”), it belongs in the 1950s. The chapter on Allowing Your Partner to influence you and the author’s explanation of gender roles was particularly cringeworthy. And having issues with sex? Don’t worry! Women...stop worrying about having an orgasm and appreciate all the other stuff that happens during sex. Redefine what you even call sex, think of ANY positive interaction you get from him during the day as sex. Now you’re satisfied!! Feel better?? It actually angers me all over again just writing this review. Allow me to share the secrets from this book: be nice to your partner and think nice thoughts about them regardless of your history and all will be well. Having trouble with your sex life, just lower your standards! Most of your marriage problems aren’t solvable, so don’t try. This book was a complete waste of time and overtly offensive. ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on September 18, 2020 by A.W.

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