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McGraw-Hill Education

The Disease To Please: Curing the People-Pleasing Syndrome

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What's wrong with being a "people pleaser?" Plenty!"A fascinating book... If you struggle with where, when, and how to draw the line between your own desires and the demands of others, buy this book!"­­Kay Redfield Jamison, bestselling author of An Unquiet Mind and Night Falls FastPeople pleasers are not just nice people who go overboard trying to make everyone happy. Those who suffer from the Disease to Please are people who say "Yes" when they really want to say "No." For them, the uncontrollable need for the elusive approval of others is an addiction. Their debilitating fears of anger and confrontation force them to use "niceness" and "people-pleasing" as self-defense camouflage.Featured on NBC's "Today," The Disease to Please explodes the dangerous myth that "people pleasing" is a benign problem. Best-selling author and frequent "Oprah" guest Dr. Harriet Braiker offers clear, positive, practical, and easily do-able steps toward recovery.Begin with a simple but revealing quiz to discover what type of people-pleaser you are. Then learn how making even small changes to any single portion of the Disease to Please Triangle - involving your thoughts, feelings, and behavior - will cause a dramatic, positive and long-lasting change to the overall syndrome.As a recovered peoplepleaser, you will finally see that a balanced way of living that takes others into consideration but puts the emphasis first on pleasing yourself and gaining your own approval is the clearest path to health and happiness. Read more

Publisher ‏ : ‎ McGraw Hill; 1st edition (February 13, 2002)


Language ‏ : ‎ English


Paperback ‏ : ‎ 304 pages


ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0071385649


ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 40


Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 2.31 pounds


Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6 x 0.9 x 8.9 inches


Best Sellers Rank: #20,456 in Books (See Top 100 in Books) #152 in Self-Esteem (Books) #158 in Interpersonal Relations (Books) #562 in Personal Transformation Self-Help


#152 in Self-Esteem (Books):


#158 in Interpersonal Relations (Books):


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Top Amazon Reviews

    • Which are you
Need to please to continue to accept what is giving to you. Informative information and easy reading. Great, to help all types of people.
Reviewed in the United States on October 29, 2023 by Jay
    • Its a good self help book
Its a really really good read i do recommend reading it
Reviewed in the United States on September 21, 2023 by Luke
    • Best book ever and life changing
I found Dr. Braiker's books by reading <Who is Pulling Your Strings>, out of desperation to understand all the pressure I felt from others. I really appreciate Dr. Braiker for writing this book and let the "good people" see how their people-pleasing thinking and behavior have undermined themselves as a person of value. If you suffer from anxiety, it probably comes from pressure you felt from other people and your people-pleasing mindset. If you do not fix the faulty thinking of people-pleasing at all costs, you would be permanently thinking your life's value is depending upon others, and you would not have the courage to face conflict, anger and would avoid confrontation at all costs. As a nice person, I have been a target for manipulators, some of them are family members and friends. Those people use words to give approval and then use me. This have to change to de-stress myself. I found this book about how to cure the off-balanced situation of putting others first at the expense of self, and it's just the beginning of setting things right in face of all the self-entitled others, including bosses, co-workers, relatives, spouse and friends. I'm glad while reading this book , the rashes on my leg (due to pressure) has gone away. Highly recommend it to adults who suffers from people pleasing problem due to years of influencing by people and institutions. ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on July 27, 2022 by Jillian L
    • Helpful Book for Behavior Change...
The Disease to Please is a helpful book to promote positive behavior change. Most people to some extent have difficulty with pleasing others, conflict, and saying no assertively. Braiker does a nice (to use her least favorite word) job in explaining the difficulties people have in over pleasing others and under valuing the self. She covers in detail how overworking to please others really ends up harming everyone because in the end the people pleaser gets spread too thin to be of help to anyone. The book is based on the premise of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) using the three pillars of feelings, thoughts, and behaviors covering the different ways people struggle with people pleasing. I like that she covered topics such as the fear of anger/conflict, romantic addiction, and not being able to say no to requests of friends/relatives. Everyone can benefit in some way from the information and advice she gives in the book- as CBT has shown to be beneficial across the board. If more people were proficient in ways to say 'no' to requests in a empathetic and caring way but without guilt and apology, people would struggle less with conflict and arguments. She also provides a 21 day action plan of behavioral exercises to get you on the road to better communication and better self care. Her explanations are well written and she gives a lot of good examples in the 'diadactic' first part of the book. The only real complaint I have, and the reason for 4 stars, is that her examples are lacking in the 21 day action plan- the 'hands-on' second part of the book. While she provides instructions for how to apply the behavior modification techniques, examples of others applying them to different situations would be tremendously helpful in seeing the techniques in action. Also, having an underlying story line of how others are affected by the problem- and then use the techniques to overcome it- keeps the reader more engaged as opposed to just reading instructions. I was saddened to find out that Dr. Braiker passed away in 2004 (this book has a 2001 copyright) when attempting to visit the website that is mentioned in the book as having a support group and further links to more behavior exercises. No doubt this is why the website is more of a memorial site now and does not have the mentioned added activities/ support group. Overall, it is a good book to help with behavior change. I recommend it if you need help with these types of problem behaviors. ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on September 30, 2019 by Sixtus
    • Life Changing
The first chapter was heavy to get through I’ll admit. But this book has completely changed my life. I actually carry it around with me to remind myself to continue to work on breaking my people pleasing habits. I bought this book when I was at my lowest and it has given me so many ways to actually work on my people pleasing. It has also helped me to understand the roots of my disease to please and helped to show me how my people pleasing was affecting not just me but my children as well. Thank you so much for writing this book! ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on October 17, 2018 by Natalie Pinheiro
    • A READ FOR EVERYONE
This book is neccessary for everyone to read. It is a quick read, funny as you think the book was written by someone videotaping you life! Best of all the quick and easily techniques are EASY and will change you outlook on yourself, understand why others treat you the way they do and have the skill now to stop allowing it to happen and most of all you find your true self again!! And amazing enough, I have had over 43 clients read and I always remember the day they walk into the office and say I really saw ME in the mirror this morning and I like ME!!! Worth it all. ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on March 17, 2014 by laughter
    • Amazingly helpful
This is a fantastic book and a super easy read. It has saved me and helped me more than once. If you are at all struggling with giving too much of yourself, this book is for you!!
Reviewed in the United States on August 7, 2021 by Ashley
    • 3 Parts Symptoms to 1 Part Solution
Great title...well written...and nice design. This book is really geared toward those who have yet to discover they are struggling with approval addiction. It lays out very well all the symptoms, thoughts, and feelings one may have and experience when craving approval. If you already know you struggle with this problem, it can become frustrating sifting through all the symptoms to get to the solutions (which are too brief) of how to handle various situations. It might have helped in the design of the book to have designated "Ta-Da!" moments or very clear "here's the solution" boxes. Otherwise, you can miss them once you move into scanning mode. There is definitely helpful content, but the book overall is a ground-rule double rather than a homerun. ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on December 30, 2012 by Todd Billingsley

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