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Attached: Are you Anxious, Avoidant or Secure? How the science of adult attachment can help you find – and keep – love

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'A groundbreaking book that redefines what it means to be in a relationship.' – John Gray, PhD., bestselling author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from VenusIs there a science to love? In this groundbreaking book, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Amir Levine and psychologist Rachel S. F. Heller reveal how an understanding of attachment theory – the most advanced relationship science in existence today – can help us find and sustain love.Pioneered by psychologist John Bowlby in the 1950s, the field of attachment explains that each of us behaves in relationships in one of three distinct ways:Anxious people are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner’s ability to love them back.Avoidant people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness. Secure people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving.With fascinating psychological insight, quizzes and case studies, Dr Amir Levine and Rachel Heller help you understand the three attachment styles, identify your own and recognise the styles of others so that you can find compatible partners or improve your existing relationship. An insightful look at the science behind love, Attached offers readers a road map for building stronger, more fulfilling connections. Read more

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Bluebird


Publication date ‏ : ‎ August 22, 2019


Edition ‏ : ‎ International Edition


Language ‏ : ‎ English


Print length ‏ : ‎ 304 pages


ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1529032172


ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 78


Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 7.5 ounces


Reading age ‏ : ‎ 18 years and up


Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.28 x 0.71 x 7.87 inches


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Top Amazon Reviews

    • Informative
I bought this audio book and listened to it in 3 days! I couldn’t stop listening. Very informative, simple to understand and makes the reader/ listener take an introspective look at themselves. The author also inspires change to develop a healthy attachment style and offers tips to do so. I will listen to it again as I’m sure I’ll pick up more information that I missed the first time. Also bought as a gift because it’s so good! ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on February 1, 2024 by SSeering
    • How to pick a romantic partner who is a good long-term fit with you
Format: Paperback
I read a lot of self-growth books, and this was one of the best. During all the years I was married I tried so hard to have an emotionally close relationship with my husband-at-the-time, but it seemed that whenever we would start to be really close he would turn the opposite direction. We are divorced now, and as I read this book I could so clearly see we were not a good fit because I'm "anxious" (desires closeness) and he's "avoidant" (is triggered by closeness). I learned what a "secure" person acts like, and how to identify each of the three types so that going forward I can choose someone who matches my desire for an emotionally close relationship instead of being triggered by it. And for people already in a relationship like that, it gives tools on how to meet both people's needs the best. ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on March 18, 2023 by KH
    • The most important book I have ever read.
If you have perpetual struggles with relationships, Attached should be a book you read. Then read it again. Them re read it. I have hundreds of books on various topics related to psychology, self help, personal transformation, and the list continues. Attached is the most important by a country mile! Followed by Mindset by Carol Dweck and then Feeling Great by Dr. David Burns. In fact if you read only these three books and deeply internalise them and implement what you read, it will double if not triple your chances of a happy, healthy and rewarding life. Here is why Attached is #1: 1. 73% of over 300 college grads surveyed said they will forego all their life goals if they could have a great relationship (luckily you can have it all) 2. If you are of the 50% of people who do not have a secure attachment style, you cannot succeed in relationships unless you are with someone that is. Not possible 3. If you find yourself perpetually on dating apps, you will perpetually date other avoidants and anxious attached people. Secures don’t use dating apps - there is now hard science to back this up 4. Most self help advise that tells you that you have to be the only person you love and rely on is BS. There is no clinical evidence that this is is true and this book will back it up 5. There is nothing that will bring more joy, or misery, to a person’s life than relationships, not only romantic. Nothing! But you already know this. Why not study the one science that can make the single biggest needle moving difference in your life? It just makes sense Trust me on this. Buy the book. Read it slowly, cover to cover. Then read it again to pick up everything you missed. Its truly that important. ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on December 12, 2023 by Niel Malan
    • Amazingly insightful and helpful book
Format: Paperback
This will become one of those books that I frequently gift to friends. I read it in one weekend, and was amazed to recognize not only myself (anxious) but also a recent ex that I can't seem to get out from under my skin. (he's textbook avoidant) It really helped to process some feelings of "what did I do wrong?" However, I do agree with many of the reviews - it left me wanting MORE. How can an anxious and an avoidant work it out? Surely it can be done in some cases. And aside from picturing a secure relationship (not many come to mind in my world), what are ways I can do some self work to address my anxious attachment style? I would definitely read a "sequel" to this book, with more tips and insight. Some of the improvement suggestions felt glossed over, where I'd rather have a whole second book. The writing is easy to read and not overly scientific and the relationship examples were easily relatable. ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on January 18, 2021 by Tiffany Dawn
    • Great book.
Format: Paperback
Is it worth weighing in gold
Reviewed in the United States on April 1, 2026 by Amazon Customer
    • The only book you need to find true you!
Format: Paperback
This book definitely helped and healed me in so many ways. I recommend it to anyone who wants to be self aware of their own patterns and change them and find a true relationship when the time is right.
Reviewed in the United States on December 29, 2025 by Jatin
    • Very informative and helpful
Format: Paperback
Love this book an think everyone should read it. Chances are you know someone and have dated someone with either an anxious or avoidant attachment. My therapist recommended it to me and I'm so glad she did. I have bought it for several friends now as well
Reviewed in the United States on August 19, 2023 by Elle Jay
    • Read before you decide to commit to a relationship
Format: Paperback
Do yourself a favor and read this book.
Reviewed in the United States on July 16, 2025 by Jaye

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