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Simon & Schuster

How to Not Die Alone: The Surprising Science That Will Help You Find Love

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Description

A “must-read” (The Washington Post) funny and practical guide to help you find, build, and keep the relationship of your dreams—from the Harvard-trained behavioral scientist and featured dating coach on Netflix’s The Later Daters. Have you ever looked around and wondered, “Why has everyone found love except me?” You’re not the only one. Great relationships don’t just appear in our lives—they’re the culmination of a series of decisions, including whom to date, how to end it with the wrong person, and when to commit to the right one. But our brains often get in the way. We make poor decisions, which thwart us on our quest to find lasting love. Drawing from years of research, behavioral scientist turned dating coach Logan Ury reveals the hidden forces that cause those mistakes. But awareness on its own doesn’t lead to results. You have to actually change your behavior. Ury shows you how. This “simple-to- use guide” (Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone) focuses on a different decision in each chapter, incorporating insights from behavioral science, original research, and real- life stories. You’ll learn: -What’s holding you back in dating (and how to break the pattern) -What really matters in a long-term partner (and what really doesn’t) -How to overcome the perils of online dating (and make the apps work for you) -How to meet more people in real life (while doing activities you love) -How to make dates fun again (so they stop feeling like job interviews) -Why “the spark” is a myth (but you’ll find love anyway) This “data-driven” (Time), step-by-step guide to relationships, complete with hands-on exercises, is designed to transform your life. How to Not Die Alone will help you find, build, and keep the relationship of your dreams. Read more

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Simon & Schuster


Publication date ‏ : ‎ February 1, 2022


Edition ‏ : ‎ International Edition


Language ‏ : ‎ English


Print length ‏ : ‎ 352 pages


ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1982120630


ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 34


Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 9.6 ounces


Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.5 x 1 x 8.38 inches


Best Sellers Rank: #10,991 in Books (See Top 100 in Books) #30 in Emotional Mental Health #42 in Dating (Books) #44 in Love & Romance (Books)


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Top Amazon Reviews

    • Must read for both singles and couples
Format: Kindle
First of all, I just want to say that this book made me learn more about myself and offered practical advice for modern dating. My takeaway is that now I have a better sense of who I am and how to prepare for dating and what I’m searching for. If not read this book, I’d probably settle for someone and not recognize the true qualities of a suitable partner and compatibility in relationships. Logan Ury is a gem. ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on August 15, 2026 by Christian Castillo’s
    • Amazingly entertaining, yet filled with practical advice backed by social science!!
Format: Hardcover
It’s exciting to encounter a book that is both immensely practical in its advice and also backed by serious principles from behavioral economics, social science, etc.! Although I’m now partnered up; until recently, I was on the dating market and I find that many things I did *well* in dating are similar to Ury’s suggestions. One part that I especially loved was her discussion of the pre-date ritual and how important it is to not have “resume exchanges” and to break the patterns that we can easily fall into on dates, where we fail to get to know the other person. Since getting the book, my partner and I actually have been reading it together and she has been sending the dating tendencies quiz to all of her friends. My partner made the mistake of telling a “Hesitator” that she needs to get out more and stop making excuses not to date— her Hesitator friend replied that dating tendencies are dumb! I’m not always a fan of typologies, but think that these tendencies do shed a lot of light on modern romance. Finally, Ury’s writing style and contemporaneous examples make this book a real treasure. For example, in the part about getting exes out of your mind(!), she warns against stalking on exes by looking at their Venmo transactions. (Haven’t we all been there??). This book is great and also makes a wonderful gift for anyone in the throes of dating or who feels like being nostalgic reading it with a current partner. ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on February 25, 2021 by Dana C
    • Practical advise to find and thrive in a relationship
This book offers clear, science-based advise on how to deal with different stages of finding and thriving in a relationship. From tips to get in the right focus to find a partner, to tips on how to meet them, how to decide whether to breakup or stay, and even how to keep a relationship in the long term. The practical advise/tools are very useful and the behavioral science backing them up is clear and simple. That being said, the book feels sometimes like a toolset to be used when needed. The line connecting the different chapters is weak as each stage seems to use a different theoretical approach. This makes the advise fragmented so something you use as needed rather than a perspective you can use continually. If your situation is a bit different from the one covered in the book, you might have little guidance. Also because of the lack of a common framework it is a bit hard to keep everything in mind as you read the book. Still it is useful as a toolset that covers most stages in romantic life from a rational science based perspective ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on September 8, 2022 by Sayel Cortes
    • Something for everyone
Format: Kindle
I’ll start by saying that I almost didn’t buy this because it didn’t have as many reviews as other relationship books (turns out, there are a few pages dedicated to psychoanalyzing that type of behavior) but I’m so glad I did! After years of being the person who goes on tons of dates but starts with a disclaimer that I’m not interested in relationships or anything remotely serious...I recently told my therapist, “I’m actually considering trying to eventually be open to the idea of something committed. Like, maybe I’ll find some more books to read so I can figure out what that means/looks like for me.” This was a great book if you’re hyperlogical and like reading things backed by research, but it’s written also in a casual tone with plenty of jokes sprinkled in. None of the advice was “revolutionary” but it did present a lot of questions that I wanted to be asked on my journey to...well...maybe changing my mind about being alone forever. There’s also a *ton* of actionable insight for people on the other end of the spectrum - that is, maybe not so good at the initial part of dating but very interested in that long term goal of being in a loving relationship. I highlighted several passages to save as advice for my friends who don’t know how to set up dating profiles or struggle with the anxiety of first/second dates. The writing style is upbeat and funny and the author is vulnerable in a way that keeps everything from becoming condescending or insincere. Though I read the book over the course of two days, there are several pages that I bookmarked so that I can go back and maybe, like, spend some time journaling to dig deeper into what I think, what I want, and how I might approach whatever that is. ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on February 16, 2021 by SRG
    • Life Changing
Format: Paperback
This book genuinely changed my life. I met my now long-term partner five years ago but dismissed him after one date because he didn’t meet my “checklist,” despite being incredibly kind. After reading this book, I saw him again on Hinge and decided to give us another chance. This time I approached dating with everything I had learned. I got to know the person he was. We’ve been together ever since, and I love him with all my heart. Sometimes love requires getting out of your own way. Read the book, be honest with yourself, and let yourself be surprised. ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on September 12, 2026 by Amazon Customer
    • Good book but single men should look elsewhere
A lot of dating advice is entirely general. This book has a lot of good general advice about how to evaluate the person in front of you. What this book has: - advice on how to avoid hookups - advice for evaluating your first/second dates - 3 ways your expectations could be wrong - and some general advice good LTR habits and traits - a small chapter on how to meet people IRL - advice on how to break up What this book does not have: - How to attract interest especially long term interest - How to advertise yourself - How to approach people - A single "straight male" example (she constantly references a homosexual man though) Now sure it's probably useful to know that I was definitely a "hesitater" for the past few years and evaluating people for their long term potential is surely a skill to have. But I am not regularly being swept off my feet by short term dating opportunities, the only people who are interested in nerdy software engineers in the first place are long term seekers. Genuinely in my experience with dating I only attract those who are looking for committed long term relationships, so very little of what this book has to offer is all that useful. My primary issue is not that I don't have a lot of value to provide a partner or that I am evaluating my dates incorrectly. It's entirely that I am not interacting with enough single women and have forgotten my college skills of turning chance encounters into dates. I was absolutely rolling my eyes as she recounted her tale of ignoring her now husband for years on end to chase after some sexy dude. I would absolutely love if a ton of women read this book, and the science-y high citation focus is great. But I guess I'll look for books written by male psychologists. ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on March 2, 2023 by jeffrey
    • Great practical advice and exercises!
Format: Kindle
Now I just have to find someone to work through all the advice. LOL! I think it’s great for any age at any stage of their life.
Reviewed in the United States on July 16, 2026 by Amazon Customer
    • Good read
Format: Paperback
Good book
Reviewed in the United States on June 24, 2025 by Gman

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