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How to Be the Love You Seek: Break Cycles, Find Peace, and Heal Your Relationships – A #1 NYT Bestselling Guide to Emotional Intelligence and Self-Love

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Format: Hardcover


Description

INSTANT 1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER “A practical, reader-friendly, and inspiring primer on how to extend true connection and love to others.” —Gabor Maté M.D., New York Times bestselling author of The Myth of Normal From the author of the 1 New York Times bestseller How to Do the Work comes this paradigm-shifting guide to healing your relationships, beginning with the one you have with yourself. Relationships have always been essential to human survival. Our bodies and brains are programmed to seek out connection, whether familial, romantic, or platonic. And yet, these vital bonds are often at the root of our deepest suffering. While our hearts are primed for compassionate connection, our nervous systems—which store all our past hurts and disappointments—are wired for threat and negativity. For decades, leading relationship advice has maintained that successful relationships require a specific compromise—that we must change our authentic expression to better meet the needs of others, and vice versa. It may sound reasonable in theory, but as Dr. LePera explains, this approach is nothing less than a recipe for a lifetime of resentment. In How to Be the Love You Seek, 1 New York Times bestselling author Dr. LePera—whose integrative, holistic approach to psychology has attracted an international audience of millions—offers a new path to healing our relationships. Harnessing the latest scientific research, she teaches us to recognize how unmet needs from our earliest relationships create our current, dysfunctional relationship patterns, and leave us in a state of constant internal threat, even with those closest to us. This book, the last in her “How To” trilogy, illuminates the way out of trauma bonds and into relationships rooted in mutual respect and compassion. In it, you will learn how to create safety in your own body and mind; identify your unmet needs; develop emotional resilience; cultivate heart coherence to build deep emotional connections with others; and maintain healthy interdependence in our communities. Whether you struggle to maintain the kinds of relationships you want, or are facing a specific challenge with a spouse, partner, parent, sibling, child, friend, or colleague—Dr. LePera teaches us how to break painful cycles and reconnect with the wisdom, appreciation, and compassion that lives in each of our hearts. It is our heart’s innate capacity to love that is the true source of all healing. When we tap into that power, we can become the love we seek. Complete with stories, exercises, journal prompts, and other practical tools, How to Be the Love You Seek offers a healing roadmap for all generations of cycle-breakers. Begin your self-healing journey and create the love you seek with a new path to healing relationships: Witness Your Conditioned Selves: Recognize the subconscious roles you play in relationships and learn how to move from dysfunctional patterns to your authentic self. Harness the Wisdom of Your Body: Go beyond traditional talk therapy with a holistic approach that teaches you how to create true safety in your nervous system. Practice Co-Regulation: Learn how to create and share nervous system safety with others, transforming conflict into opportunities for deeper, more compassionate connection. Set Empowering Boundaries: Break painful cycles of codependency and create healthy interdependence in your relationships with family, partners, and friends. Read more

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Harper


Publication date ‏ : ‎ November 28, 2023


Language ‏ : ‎ English


Print length ‏ : ‎ 304 pages


ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0063267748


ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 49


Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 14.4 ounces


Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6 x 0.93 x 9 inches


Best Sellers Rank: #25,922 in Books (See Top 100 in Books) #6 in Single Parenting #15 in Hypnosis Self-Help #24 in Memory Improvement Self-Help


#6 in Single Parenting:


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If you place your order now, the estimated arrival date for this product is: Friday, Jul 10

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Top Amazon Reviews


  • A Guiding Light to Self-Love: A Heartfelt 5-Star Review for 'How to Be the Love You Seek'
Format: Hardcover
Discovering "How to Be the Love You Seek" has been a transformative journey, and it's my pleasure to award it a well-deserved five stars. This book, a beacon of wisdom and compassion, offers invaluable insights into breaking cycles, finding peace, and healing relationships. The authenticity of Dr. LePera shines through. The book feels like a genuine conversation with a wise and compassionate friend. She writes from the heart, sharing personal experiences and lessons learned, creating a connection that resonates with the reader. The guidance on breaking cycles is powerful. The book delves into the patterns and cycles that can hinder personal growth and relationships. The practical advice and actionable steps offer a roadmap for readers to break free from destructive cycles and cultivate positive change. The emphasis on self-love is transformative. "How to Be the Love You Seek" beautifully underscores the importance of self-love as a foundation for building healthy relationships. The author's encouragement to cultivate a loving relationship with oneself is empowering and uplifting. I love Dr. LePera's compassionate, healing approach. The book provides a compassionate approach to healing, recognizing that the journey may involve challenges. It offers comfort and support to those navigating the path toward healing, fostering a sense of hope and resilience. The writing style is accessible and engaging. Complex concepts are presented clearly and understandably, making the book accessible to a wide range of readers. The conversational tone creates an inviting atmosphere, making it easy to connect with the material. "How to Be the Love You Seek" is a guiding light for those on a journey of self-discovery and healing. It's a testament to the transformative power of love, both for oneself and in relationships. As a clinician, this book is a powerful tool for myself and for the work I do with clients. If you're seeking wisdom, compassion, and actionable steps toward personal growth, this book is a must-read. Five stars – because it's a heartfelt and empowering guide that leaves a lasting impact! 🌟📚💖 ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on December 27, 2023 by Jamie

  • Impactful book
Format: Hardcover
This book is so insightful. I learned not only about myself, but was also able to view my friendships through this lens. Overall, I’ve gained more compassion for myself and others.
Reviewed in the United States on December 29, 2025 by Amazon Customer

  • Dr Lepera's best book, by far!
Format: Hardcover
I've read her first book and went through her second book, the workbook. The first 2 books were amazing, eye opening, and I learned so much about myself! I shared the first 2 with my mom and sister, and they both loved them. The 3 of us got together several times to share and discuss the books and it definitely brought us closer together. With this book, I finished it within 2 days (and I plan on reading it again) and it tied in perfectly with the first 2. Don't get me wrong, this book can stand on its own if you haven't read the first 2, but the 3 of them together were absolutely life changing for me, and my mom and sister! I've read plenty of self help, but there's something much more relatable in the way Dr Lepera writes. Her insight and personal backstory hit me in a way unlike anything I've ever read. I am incredibly thankful for her work and these books are the best I've read, with this newest one being my favorite! I've ordered copies of her new book for my mom and sister and I'm looking forward to getting together and sharing our thoughts after they've finished reading. Get the book, read the book, it could be life changing for you as well 💛 ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on December 6, 2023 by luhkeemee

  • Too much terminology and explanations for an easy and relax read.
Format: Hardcover
It's definitely been a difficult read for me. First, it's just too much technical terms and explanations. I just need to know what to do to deal with childhood trauma. I understand it's important to know or understand what the root causes are, but it seems to go on and on. When someone is in therapy or in need of some emotional help and support, all the terminology is a bit much. It's already a struggle to concentrate and read due to underlining physical and emotional issues. How or what does a person needs to do to begin healing, is what I need to know. Another frustrating thing is, in almost every other page, ( it seems like) she keeps saying I'll explain this or that in another chapter. I can't count how many times that phrase is repeated in this book. I already feel like I'm on edge, I just don't need all of the unnecessary chatter throughout the chapters. I don't know if I can take much more of technical terms, professional explanations and she'll discuss a topic later. Hopefully, I'll be able to muster up enough willpower to complete the entire book. I've read plenty of self-help type of books and I'll say this is one of the most difficult reads for me. This is just my thoughts. Someone else may really enjoy. I'm just not finding it a pleasant experience even though there's good information she gives. It just feels like an overload. I'm not trying to teach this subject/topic. I would just like simple and to the point help. ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on August 17, 2025 by GOhio

  • Simple to read
Format: Hardcover
This is a great book, written in layman’s terms. It’s very easy to understand. It is a bit triggering, so I’m grateful I had my therapist to work through the emotions that came up while I read it. It helped me identify why I had developed relational patterns in my life due to how I had grown up in a trauma filled home. It also helps to provide suggestions on how to change the years of unhealthy patterns. ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on June 21, 2024 by S Baker

  • Good information!
Format: Audiobook
Very convenient to have it on my phone. Good information. Have to focus on some parts rather than doing tasks while listening.
Reviewed in the United States on January 5, 2026 by Jewelie

  • Must read
Format: Paperback
Good pointers, great self help and self discovery book
Reviewed in the United States on September 13, 2025 by Trishauna

  • Ok
Format: Hardcover
Ok book. Love her examples from personal observation. But when the author started talking about our energy and the Schumann resonances, she lost me. I wish they could add more research about the resonance and how it influences us. Without any backup, it sounds made up and just another superstition loved by our culture. ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on March 9, 2026 by Liza

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