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HarperCollins Children's Books

Safe People: How to Find Relationships that are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't

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Safe People will help you discover why good people can get tangled in bad relationships, how to avoid repeating your own mistakes, and how to pick safe, healthy people for the friends you make and the company you keep.Too many of us have invested in relationships that have gone wrong. Maybe you've been judged, manipulated, or controlled. Or maybe you've trusted the wrong people in the past. It's easy to make the same mistakes of judgment over and over-- or, worse, to give up on trying to have great, authentic relationships again. But it doesn't have to be that way. In Safe People, Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend teach you that being with an unsafe person can be damaging to your confidence, your trust in others, and even your health. You'll learn that you have the power to surround yourself with accepting, honest, and safe people who draw you closer to being the person God intended you to be.Drs. Cloud and Townsend, authors of the New York Times bestseller Boundaries, are here to share the lessons they've learned in their years of practicing psychology and studying the patterns and practices that support clear, biblical boundaries. In Safe People, they offer guidance for making safe choices in all of your day-to-day relationships, from family and friends to colleagues and partners.Safe People will give you the tools you need to recognize what makes people relationally safe, form positive relationships, and even become a safe person along the way. Drs. Cloud and Townsend share expert insights that will help you ask important questions:How can I learn to pick better friends?Why do I choose people who let me down?How did I end up with this critical boss?How do I attract irresponsible people?Why did I invest money with that unscrupulous person?What is it about me that draws the wrong types of people to me?Why am I drawn to the wrong types of people?It's time to revitalize your connections and finally start enjoying the healthy, balanced relationships that you deserve. Read more

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Zondervan


Publication date ‏ : ‎ August 2, 2016


Edition ‏ : ‎ Reprint


Language ‏ : ‎ English


Print length ‏ : ‎ 208 pages


ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0310345790


ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 94


Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 2.31 pounds


Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.3 x 0.53 x 8 inches


Best Sellers Rank: #15,503 in Books (See Top 100 in Books) #198 in Christian Self Help #264 in Christian Personal Growth #425 in Personal Transformation Self-Help


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Top Amazon Reviews

    • On a helpfulness scale, this is a 10
Format: Paperback
I wish Safe People were required reading in high schools, and that schools would also require a course about having healthy, safe relationships. It is so needed. I meet countless people who have crazy, chaotic relationships and life patterns, and it's sad because this shouldn't be the norm. Unhealthy and unsafe relationships kind of are the norm nowadays. I pose this question sometimes and often can't get a good answer. When is the last time you saw a movie or television show that displayed a healthy relationship? I'm fairly certain a Hallmark film will NOT come to mind as a good example, and the average movie has the most dysfunctional relationships on display, and we learn from this. People who come out of dysfunctional households and it's been their lives, what is a healthy relationship? What do emotionally safe and healthy people do? If you ever step out of a toxic relationship into the opposite, then...you finally SEE it for what it is, and you want the different: drama-free, no chaos, no screaming, no mental gymnastics to try to figure out what a person with toxic relating skills wants (I'm not sure they even know), healthy conflict management that leads to relief and peace and not gaslighting and silent treatments. If that resonated with anyone, please save yourself a lot of trouble, and get a copy of this book. I also wish I read this as a teenager, (I think my life would have been very different and much sooner). This book is both helpful and life changing. If you let it do what it's supposed to, it can help you evaluate your relationships and pinpoint whether they are healthy or unsafe. Also, there can be some self-evaluation taking place (which can be tough), but mature people can look at themselves and identify things that need to change and then, make those necessary changes with God's help. While this book is excellent for identification, it doesn't help you learn how to implement boundaries once you see that your relationship(s) may not be the healthiest and how to handle that. The next step is to look into the Boundaries books by the same authors (the Boundaries books can be general or some cover specific topics, such as dating and parenting). I love this book. I love the impact of the changes that I made concerning relationships and the peace that came after reading this. It helped me stop a lot of patterns. This is highly, highly recommended. Both authors are psychologists, and their advice is practical, wise (in all of their books), and incredibly beneficial. This is one of those times when I would recommend a purchase. And start working on having healthy, life-giving relationships. It's not easy, but it's worth the effort. ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on January 30, 2024 by Irena
    • Essential for relationships
Format: Paperback
Trustworthy, experienced, legitimate authors with true wisdom and insight. The text is simple and easy to read with plenty of practical examples and applications which can be quickly implemented to create long lasting improvements in relationships. I highly recommend this book, especially if you had a dysfunctional childhood. ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on December 13, 2025 by Compact size , affordable, effective and easy to use! I have already told some coworkers about it.
    • Basically fix your unsafe-ness first and then forgive others
Format: Paperback
I have read many books by Dr cloud and find his writing brilliant. This book in my opinion started very well in identifying unsafe people which was fantastic. Next section was on us and if we are unsafe ourselves and how to work on ourselves to overcome this. I thought this part was fantastic too even though it’s hard to accept ones own faults and taking courage and steps to fix them is difficult. I learned a lot and loved this section as well. I didn’t like the last part of the book however it didn’t finish as strong as the book started. It sort of tells you to keep loving and giving and forgiving. Which is kinda forgetting the first two parts of the book and the reason we picked up the book in the first place. I understand the authors want us not to blame others, take responsibility, change ourself first, not to give up quick on relationships, work hard on them. But the reason most people pick up this book is that they have done most of those things and now they feel like they are stuck. I think they should have given more tools as to how to deal with unsafe people besides giving and giving and forgiving and working harder on it. I believe once you’ve done all that and no result you have to choose safe people and surround yourself with them instead. Regardless great book.. I’ll still hold on to the lessons I learned in the first two sections. I also felt like there was a lot of redundancy and same concepts repeating over and over. Maybe because there was two authors involved. They were repeating the same concept over and over again. It’s a great read overall. I recommend it. ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on February 13, 2019 by Amazon Customer
    • Wonderful Insights - A little Heavy on the God-talk
These are the authors that wrote one of THE defining books on boundaries and setting limits in relationships. They also both hold PhDs, AND are strongly entrenched in American Christian life philosophies. If you, also, are strongly entrenched in American Christian lifestyle, this would be an excellent read for you. If you are are NOT, especially if you still carry trauma from being involved in this lifestyle previously (*raises hand*) you may have to tiptoe through the God-talk in order to avoid triggering issues. Even with that caveat, this books has many, many excellent nuggets and insights in it. Here are some bits that resonated with me: "Unsafe people only apologize instead of changing their behavior." Or the concept of "merger wishes" relationships: "When someone else possesses a trait that we don't have, we are inclined to blur our identity with with theirs in order to help us feel better about ourselves and to gain access to that trait." Or the tendency, when our boundaries are weak, to go for all or nothing: "...boundaryless people tend to isolate as their only limit. Often, people with weak boundaries will give in repeatedly to some irresponsible or demanding person. Then, out of the blue, they'll pack up and leave the relationship with no warning." We DON'T have to be with unsafe people; nor can nor should we, trust our church or social club to screen people for us. That was my biggest take-away from this book, recognizing my own tendency/wish to think that in XYZ group, everyone is "safe" for me. Just ain't so. Because of MY life experiences, traits, and personality, Person A may be unsafe for me, but absolutely safe for YOU, and vice versa. As adults, we each need to figure out how to sort out and separate those who are safe and unsafe for us, PERSONALLY. We can't count on others to do it for us, anymore than we can count on others to exercise for us. Some of the traits of safe people, according to this book, include: "Someone who gives me an opportunity to grow; someone I can be myself around; Someone who allows me to be on the outside what I am on the indie; someone whose life touches mine and leaves me better for it," and much more. I do highly recommend this book, and am only deducting a star because of the triggering issues it may present to some readers. ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on April 26, 2015 by Beverly Diehl
    • Lots of good info for people who struggle with relationships
Format: Kindle
Good read. Scripture-based on how to recognize safe and unsafe people and how to be a safe person for others.
Reviewed in the United States on January 22, 2026 by Mimi Hollis
    • 10/10
Format: Paperback
FANTASTIC BOOK! I love the marriage advice for singles that is briefly touched. Super awesome
Reviewed in the United States on January 2, 2026 by ChrisTTY
    • Very useful
Format: Paperback
Listened to audiobook and found it so useful I ordered the book
Reviewed in the United States on January 1, 2026 by BT
    • Great read!
Format: Kindle
As someone in their 40's relationships are a crucial part of my current life phase. I'm having a hard time creating new friends and relating to old ones. This book has given me a direction to operate from when looking at safe persons. Most importantly it's making me assess myself and helped me to see the areas within me that needs cultivating to be a safe person to others, first. ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on December 8, 2025 by E.C. Jones

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