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Description
Over 40 years ago, Games People Play revolutionized our understanding of what really goes on during our most basic social interactions. More than five million copies later, Dr. Eric Berne's classic is as astonishing and revealing as it was on the day it was first published. We play games all the time--- sexual games, marital games, power games with our bosses, and competitive games with our friends. Detailing status contests like "Martini" (I know a better way), to lethal couples combat like "If It Weren't For You" and "Uproar," to flirtation favorites like "The Stocking Game" and "Let's You and Him Fight," Dr. Berne exposes the secret ploys and unconscious maneuvers that rule our intimate lives. Explosive when it first appeared, Games People Play is now widely recognized as the most original and influential popular psychology book of our time. It's as powerful and eye-opening as ever. Read more
Listening Length : 6 hours and 33 minutes
Author : Eric Berne
Narrator : David Colacci
Publication date : April 18, 2011
Language : English
Publisher : Tantor Audio
Version : Unabridged
Program Type : Audiobook
Best Sellers Rank: #11,952 in Audible Books & Originals (See Top 100 in Audible Books & Originals) #87 in Medical General Psychology #490 in Psychology (Audible Books & Originals) #506 in Psychology & Counseling
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Top Amazon Reviews
Format: Paperback
This is one of the best books you can read in order to handle people who seem to drain your energy. Games are forms of dishonest communication. For instance, there is someone who always complains about their job or their relationship. Whatever advice you give is dismissed as unfeasible. The point is that complaining to you is an excuse to talk to you, not really an effort to elicit your advise. And the complaining allows the person to interact with you without having to reveal anything personal about themselves, without having to expose themselves emotionally to you. This book has one or two page scenarios with tactics on how to counter the game. In the example above it probably advises to stop offering in an attempt to fix their situation. The examples are described in such simple and humorous language, you will laugh (or cringe with a bit of embarrassment) as you recognize others or yourself as having played certain games. And you will recall specific games or variations of games almost instantly when they occur. You end up putting a stop to other peoples games and have a harder time playing games of your own with a straight face after reading this book. And that is Eric Berne's approach to psychology--psychological break throughs are not about having a revelatory experience after 7 years of talking about yourself and you unconscious motives. Instead, it is all about understanding and recognizing surface patterns of unhealthy behavior and interactions. And the recognition is not like seeing God come out of the sky, it just becoming aware of the fact that a fly has been buzzing around the room, swatting it, and throwing it in the trash so that you can go back to talking to someone or finishing whatever you were working on. This book is a classic in its genre, it's very informative with actionable advice, enticingly easy to read, and very highly recommended. I've bought copies to give out to friends when they are in unhealthy situations and relationships.
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Reviewed in the United States on August 6, 2014 by Jonathan Long
Format: Kindle
Though this book was written decades ago, it's easily relatable to current times. Many may consider this pop or pseudo-psychology now, I still believe its content is relevant. In my opinion, the author wrote from a position of the reader having at least a general understanding of psychology and psychiatry, which he has stated in the book. So, because I have this understanding, I don't have much difficulty with this theory. There are times when the author mentions something that warrants me to either reread a previous section to gain clarity or to be patient for the author to provide clarity in an upcoming section. I felt the first half of the book was a lackluster read, but it's important to stick with it and understand it prior to moving forward. I was recommended this book by my mother, who was exposed to it when it was published, which helped her improve her interactions with others. I appreciate the recommendation because I am also experiencing the benefits. Therefore, I also recommend this book to others.
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Reviewed in the United States on September 3, 2023 by K. Page
Format: Paperback
_Games People Play_ by Eric Berne is a layman-accessible book on psychology chiefly concerned with the concept of game playing, one I found quite interesting. At its most fundamental level, humans according to Berne seek what he terms a "stroke," just as infants require actual stroking (whether it be literal stroking, a pat on the head, or a hug) to develop healthy in a psychological sense (and to maintain that health), adults require a "stroke" as well (which he defines as the fundamental unit of social action). An exchange of strokes is a transaction, which is the unit of social intercourse. Such an exchange might be as little as a very simple greeting or something far more elaborate. Adults have a hunger not only for stimulus and recognition but also for structure of their waking hours. Most of a person's time is structured by an activity (i.e. "work"), governed by rules called procedures (such as how to bake a cake or fly a plane). Other parts are governed by a person's social programming, which results in ritualistic and semi-ritualistic interchanges with other people, often falling other the general name of "good manners" (examples include generic work greetings and brief conversations about the weather or health). Berne terms semi-ritualistic topical conservations as pastimes, such as cocktail party conversations on cars, bad husbands, or finances. A person's individual programming results in what he terms games. Games are not necessarily "fun" and can be quite grim or serious (as in Berne's book alcoholism falls under game playing). In the end the author wrote that ultimately true intimacy - where social patterning and ulterior motivations give way - is more desirable than either a pastime or a game (both of which are substitutes). Key to structural analysis and an understanding of game play is the concept of the ego state. An ego state is a coherent set of feelings and behavior patterns in an individual, all interrelated. Each person has three such ego states, the exteropsychic or Parent ego state, the individual's parental instincts and experiences and vital to enable one to raise actual children and a state that makes many responses in life automatic, freeing one from the burden of innumerable trivial decisions ; the psychic or Adult state, directed towards an autonomous, objective appraisal and handling of reality, the state most needed for survival; and the archaeopsychic or Child state, representing archaic behavioral patterns fixed in early childhood, where in a person resides "intuition, creativity, and spontaneous drive and enjoyment," (the author rejects the term childish as negative and prejudicial). Getting back to the concept of transaction, Berne writes that simple transactional analysis is concerned with determining which ego state provided transactional stimulus and which state responded in a given situation. Transactions may be complimentary, such as Child-Parent interaction, where a fevered child asks for a glass from a nurturing mother; these transactions are expected and are part of natural, healthy human relationships. However, a crossed transaction occurs in which the stimulus is one group of ego-states (such as Adult-Adult, when one asks another for instance where one's keys are) and the appropriate response within that set of ego states (such as Adult-Adult answer on the desk) is not given, but instead the response of another ego state (a Child response might be you always blame me for losing your keys). Crossed transactions may not always be obvious, and these ulterior transactions are the basis for games and the primary subject of this book. Ulterior transactions involve the activity of more than two ego states simultaneously and may be of two main types. Angular transactions involve three ego states, and while ostensibly, on the social level, may be directed between two particular ego states (such as say Adult-Adult), really the ulterior or psychological vector is at another ego state (such as say perhaps a social Adult stimulus designed to and provoking a Child response). A duplex ulterior transaction involves four ego states (such as in flirting; on the surface it might appear Adult-Adult but in reality is Child-Child); most games are of this type of transaction. Games, which he distinguishes from superficially similar procedures, rituals, and pastimes, are sets of complimentary ulterior transactions that progress to a well-defined, predictable outcome. Games are inherently dishonest (by definition procedures, rituals, and pastimes are candid) and the sought payoff is dramatic, often negative for one of the parties involved. The bulk of the book is detailed with classifying and discussing a number of games. Dividing games into seven categories (Life, Marital, Party, Sexual, Underworld, Consulting Room, and Good), he discusses the structure of these games, the roles involved, the sought after payoff, as well as the antithesis of a game, how to recognize and move beyond or end a game. An example is the first game he discusses, that of Alcoholic (which by the way can involve other substances). The central thesis of this game could be written as look how bad I have been and see if you can stop me and the aim, the payoff, is self-castigation. For this game to be played, it requires of course the Alcoholic, as well the Persecutor (the chief supporting role), the Rescuer, and the Patsy (an enabler in some sense). The Social paradigm is Adult-Adult, but in reality the game's Psychological paradigm is Parent-Child. The antithesis is difficult, but in essence involves the therapist moving away from any of the established roles of Persecutor or Rescuer and refusing to play the game. A great many games are discussed in the book, some I found a bit hard to accept, others I readily recognized in my daily life. Most of them were quite sad and negative, particularly ones like Kick Me, See What You Made Me Do, and Frigid Woman, though a very few were constructive and beneficial to society, like Happy To Help and Cavalier. Somewhat chilling to think much of human social interaction if game play, after reading this I don't want to play games!
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Reviewed in the United States on October 16, 2004 by Tim F. Martin
Format: Kindle
This "bible" of transactional analysis can be incredibly helpful to those who are dealing with people who play damaging games all day every day. It's slightly outdated, and some of the things it calls "games" we now call "illness", but it still is overwhelmingly useful (even revolutionary) for those who want to take control of their life and personal interactions. It describes abusive games people play like "Let's pull a fast one on Jimmy" or "Broken leg" and tells you exactly how to end your role in them. If you have to deal with people who always make excuses, can't be trusted, constantly criticize you, etc, this is the book to read. The only thing you need to be aware of, and it's important, is that ending "games", or even just your role in games others keep trying to make you play, can destroy relationships in the short term (and sometimes in the long term). If you have someone really toxic in your life who plays very destructive games, they will be FURIOUS and THREATENED when you terminate your part in the game. For them, playing the game may seem like a matter of life and death . . . In that instance, you need to be working with a therapist who specializes in using transactional analysis as part of therapy. In fact, that's pretty much always good advice if you want to make big changes in your family, personal, and professional relationships. You can google for therapists that use TA as a method and its worth doing. At any rate, this is a powerful book. I hope you enjoy reading it.
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Reviewed in the United States on June 26, 2015 by MediaFrenzy
Format: Paperback
This is a good book describing concepts that were discussed more in the late 60’s and 70’s. It is very dated though, meaning that younger people are very saavy to the psychological games people play, and this book is old news.
Reviewed in the United States on January 24, 2026 by Jeanne Mueller
Format: Paperback
Transactional Analysis in Psychotherapy © 1961 (TAinP) ****½ + Games People Play: The Basic Handbook of Transactional Analysis. © 1964 (GPP) ****¾ + Scripts People Live: Transactional Analysis of Life Scripts © 1974 (SPL) ***** All three of these books have been around for a long time, and all three are well worth reading. I was persuaded to review them together by the first sentence in the preface of GPP: "This book is primarily designed to be a sequel to my book Transactional Analysis in Psychotherapy , but has been planned so that it can be read and understood independently." In the years between writing them, it is obvious that Dr. Berne gained valuable experience in one or (more likely) both TA and writing. I am sure I would have found TAinP much tougher going had I not read GPP first, and I recommend you, too, read them in reverse order. You might even consider reading Claude Steiner's SPL first; Dr. Steiner has surpassed even his mentor, Dr. Berne, in making the concepts of TA accessible to the lay reader. You don't have to have serious emotional problems, or have a friend or loved one who does, to benefit from reading these books; they will help you to understand yourself and others better. They will also teach you to recognize the games salespeople try to play with you, so that you can avoid becoming a victim thereof. And if you or a friend or loved one is contemplating psychotherapy or in need thereof, these books can help in choosing a therapist who will go for the cure rather than the maintenance of the problem. The value of making the right choice can hardly be overstated. It is SO much better to learn to become an ex-neurotic or ex-psychotic than to learn to be a better neurotic or a better psychotic! Dr. Berne found that a person is almost always in one of three ego states, which he called Parent, Adult, and Child. Dr. Berne deliberately chose familiar names, instead of jargon such as superego, id, exteropsyche, archaeopsyche, etc. As Dr. Steiner put it, "He rejected the usual psychiatric practice of using one language in speaking with people and another in speaking with psychiatric colleagues. As he developed the new concepts of his theory, he used, in every instance, words which were immediately understandable to most people."* Dr. Berne and his students believed in demystifying patients and the general public, rather than snowing us. Whichever ego state is awake and in control is said to be cathected. (Rarely, two or all three ego states may be partially cathected at the same time, or one or both of the others may be awake but not cathected, and when one is very deeply asleep or in a coma, probably no ego state is cathected.) Roughly speaking, the Parent is the ego state in which one nurtures or criticizes another, the Adult contemplates and processes factual information and solves problems, and the Child has fun or reacts to criticism. Each ego state is appropriate for some situations and inappropriate for others. The nurturing Parent and the critical Parent are both needed in taking care of children or invalids, but the critical Parent can `go hog wild' and become the always-inappropriate pig Parent, which concentrates on destructive, rather than constructive criticism. Irrational prejudices, such as racism and sexism, are functions of the pig Parent, as is the Puritan's `haunting fear that someone, somewhere, might be having a good time.' The Adult is responsible for using factual knowledge, reason, and intuition to solve life's problems. Everyone needs, at times, a well-functioning Adult, and virtually everyone is born with one, but one's Adult can become contaminated by one or both of the other ego states. The Child-contaminated Adult too often engages in `wishful thinking,' while the Parent-contaminated Adult typically accepts as factual the pig Parent's irrational prejudices. The pig parent may even virtually suppress the Adult with a script injunction of mindlessness such as "Don't think!" The Child is cathected when one is having fun. Enjoyment of play and of lovemaking are functions of the Child; it is the Child which makes life worth living. Sometimes the pig Parent manages to suppress the Child with a script injunction of joylessness: "Don't have fun!" * SPL, page 4. [email protected]
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Reviewed in the United States on March 18, 2011 by watzizname
Format: Paperback
This is a life changing book with practical ideas in understandable language. I have given dozens of this book to people with whom I work over the years.
Reviewed in the United States on June 14, 2026 by Mike Salinger
Format: Paperback
The book offers tremendous insight into a certain category of human, social behavior. It's easy to see why this book is still popular 50 years after it was written. I recommend the book to anyone who has felt bewildered by the behavior of humans in unstructured social environments. There are some problems with this book. The author helpfully described patterns of human behavior to us, but many of the author's explanations are now recognized as junk science or pseudo-science. That does not negate the value in learning the behavior patterns he described. However, the explanations he provided must be viewed skeptically, and with appreciation of the author's historical and cultural context, at the time the book was written. At the risk of seeming ungrateful, the author could have done a better job of explaining the games. The author was so familiar with the games, and in such a rush to move along, that he used shorthand explanations that readers may struggle to comprehend. Many games are mentioned in passing, but never properly explained, at all. The author obviously employed many taxonomies to classify behavior, perhaps some of his own creation, most of which are not explained in the book. While many of Berne's games transcend language and nationality, this book may be incomprehensible to readers who are not familiar with U.S. culture of the period. For example, to my recollection, the author never explains the meaning of, "PTA". Presumably, he refers to Parent-Teacher Association, a class of semi-formal organization relating to the schooling of children. This book is full of colloquialisms which have fallen out of use and seem alien, now, even to me. None of the forgoing criticisms negate the value of what the author has shared. This book was my introduction to Berne, and to transactional analysis, and I'll probably read more of Berne's work in the future. Because games are (unintentionally) taught to children by their parents, you may find many of Berne's games still being played today. If nothing else, you may still encounter U.S. persons of a certain age. If you've read this book, you'll be better equipped to cope with their bizarre and destructive behavior. Of course, you may catch yourself playing games, too.
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Reviewed in the United States on June 24, 2013 by Foolish Perfectionist