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Zondervan

Safe People: How to Find Relationships that are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't

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Description

Safe People will help you discover why good people can get tangled in bad relationships, how to avoid repeating your own mistakes, and how to pick safe, healthy people for the friends you make and the company you keep.Too many of us have invested in relationships that have gone wrong. Maybe you've been judged, manipulated, or controlled. Or maybe you've trusted the wrong people in the past. It's easy to make the same mistakes of judgment over and over-- or, worse, to give up on trying to have great, authentic relationships again. But it doesn't have to be that way. In Safe People, Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend teach you that being with an unsafe person can be damaging to your confidence, your trust in others, and even your health. You'll learn that you have the power to surround yourself with accepting, honest, and safe people who draw you closer to being the person God intended you to be.Drs. Cloud and Townsend, authors of the New York Times bestseller Boundaries, are here to share the lessons they've learned in their years of practicing psychology and studying the patterns and practices that support clear, biblical boundaries. In Safe People, they offer guidance for making safe choices in all of your day-to-day relationships, from family and friends to colleagues and partners.Safe People will give you the tools you need to recognize what makes people relationally safe, form positive relationships, and even become a safe person along the way. Drs. Cloud and Townsend share expert insights that will help you ask important questions:How can I learn to pick better friends?Why do I choose people who let me down?How did I end up with this critical boss?How do I attract irresponsible people?Why did I invest money with that unscrupulous person?What is it about me that draws the wrong types of people to me?Why am I drawn to the wrong types of people?It's time to revitalize your connections and finally start enjoying the healthy, balanced relationships that you deserve. Read more

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Zondervan; Reprint edition (August 2, 2016)


Language ‏ : ‎ English


Paperback ‏ : ‎ 208 pages


ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0310345790


ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 94


Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 2.31 pounds


Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.25 x 0.5 x 8 inches


Best Sellers Rank: #11,455 in Books (See Top 100 in Books) #139 in Christian Self Help #168 in Christian Personal Growth #357 in Personal Transformation Self-Help


#139 in Christian Self Help:


#168 in Christian Personal Growth:


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Top Amazon Reviews

    • On a helpfulness scale, this is a 10
I wish Safe People were required reading in high schools, and that schools would also require a course about having healthy, safe relationships. It is so needed. I meet countless people who have crazy, chaotic relationships and life patterns, and it's sad because this shouldn't be the norm. Unhealthy and unsafe relationships kind of are the norm nowadays. I pose this question sometimes and often can't get a good answer. When is the last time you saw a movie or television show that displayed a healthy relationship? I'm fairly certain a Hallmark film will NOT come to mind as a good example, and the average movie has the most dysfunctional relationships on display, and we learn from this. People who come out of dysfunctional households and it's been their lives, what is a healthy relationship? What do emotionally safe and healthy people do? If you ever step out of a toxic relationship into the opposite, then...you finally SEE it for what it is, and you want the different: drama-free, no chaos, no screaming, no mental gymnastics to try to figure out what a person with toxic relating skills wants (I'm not sure they even know), healthy conflict management that leads to relief and peace and not gaslighting and silent treatments. If that resonated with anyone, please save yourself a lot of trouble, and get a copy of this book. I also wish I read this as a teenager, (I think my life would have been very different and much sooner). This book is both helpful and life changing. If you let it do what it's supposed to, it can help you evaluate your relationships and pinpoint whether they are healthy or unsafe. Also, there can be some self-evaluation taking place (which can be tough), but mature people can look at themselves and identify things that need to change and then, make those necessary changes with God's help. While this book is excellent for identification, it doesn't help you learn how to implement boundaries once you see that your relationship(s) may not be the healthiest and how to handle that. The next step is to look into the Boundaries books by the same authors (the Boundaries books can be general or some cover specific topics, such as dating and parenting). I love this book. I love the impact of the changes that I made concerning relationships and the peace that came after reading this. It helped me stop a lot of patterns. This is highly, highly recommended. Both authors are psychologists, and their advice is practical, wise (in all of their books), and incredibly beneficial. This is one of those times when I would recommend a purchase. And start working on having healthy, life-giving relationships. It's not easy, but it's worth the effort. ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on January 30, 2024 by Melissa
    • If you keep getting stuck in toxic, unfulfilling relationships, YOU NEED THIS!
I wish I had this as a teenager before I ever started dating. I wish I parents had this. I wish everyone in my life had this. This clearly states, in bullet points and then explains, the RED FLAGS everyone needs to be able to spot- in yourself and why YOU attract those hurtful relationships, and in others to AVOID the people who aren't reading to be healing. DID YOU KNOW relationships are supposed to be healing in and of themselves??????? If you know how to choose them with intention, relationships heal! It's when we go in unconsciously (without knowing the signs to look for that this book explains) that we go through our lives getting more and more wounded. I'm buying extra copies to literally give this away to others because it's so good. Just get it, and some highlighters. This is my relationship bible, and I carry it around and reference it all the time. GET IT! ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on January 28, 2023 by Jessikj
    • Helpful
This helped me see some of my negative patterns and things I need to work on to be a safe person and how to find safe people. I didn't realize how easy and hard it could be.
Reviewed in the United States on October 2, 2023 by Crystal
    • Good information; easy to read; not sufficient on its own
I read Boundaries by the same authors a few years back, and it made a tremendous difference in my life. I just finished Safe People tonight, and it is also a great book; I'm glad I read it. The authors write in an easy-to-read, straightforward, and relatable manner. They use examples of their own failings and lessons learned, as well as many case studies. The advice given is backed by scriptural references, albeit a bit of a stretch in certain area. For me, what I found helpful, was getting a glimpse at what "normal" or "healthy" should look like. That will sound strange to anyone who is already coming from a healthy background, but probably resonate with anyone who isn't. I often have huge conflict over whether a scenario is a healthy situation or not -- whether I'm the perpetrator, or not. This book helped to provide some clarity and set the stage for building a healthy relationship mentality. There are drawbacks/limits to this book, however. As some reviewers pointed out, this will not be adequate if you have been in a psychologically abusive relationship. I was in a serious relationship with someone who met the criteria laid out in this book as a "Safe Person" -- in fact, a shining example. And the church I was attending at the time was also a great example of a "Safe Church", and I was connected to people who mostly qualified as "Safe People" -- if one is checking things off the list. However, that man was an abusive liar and the church did not behave safely in the end. There's a part of me that is glad I hadn't read this book while going through that relationship, because I likely would have stayed chained to him much longer and suffered much greater damage. I would have continued to think I was the problem (as he said) and not him, and I would have caved under the pressure of my "friends" and the inaction of the church leadership. So, if you believe you are dealing with something "extra", I would go with your gut and seek out additional guidance. A lot of the advice in this book feels exhilarating and empowering while reading it, but a few hours later I start thinking through how to actually apply it, and I feel stumped. I don't necessarily think this is a failure on the book -- there is only so much it can answer, and it does make it clear that you must seek God's wisdom and that you may need either group or individual counseling. However, a lot of the stuff seemed to be separated by hairline degrees -- and left me very confused. Especially towards the end, where the emphasis was on keeping relationships/working through them, even though they were "unsafe". Knowing myself and my history, this was really confusing and terrifying. I would also add that if you have an additional "condition", such as in my case Autism Spectrum Disorder, you will likely not be able to fall back on the same common sense judgements as the book intends you to be able to discern. Still glad I read it, and I do recommend it. ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on January 2, 2019 by Me
    • Healthy Relationship Guide
A very thought-provoking book. I was able to recognize the dynamics in some of the difficult relationships in my life and learn how to become a safer person. Thank you!!!
Reviewed in the United States on September 3, 2023 by Mary J.

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