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Penguin Books

Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most

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Item Weight : 8.8 ounces


Paperback : 352 pages


ISBN-10 : 2


ISBN-13 : 42


Dimensions : 5.1 x 0.6 x 7.6 inches


Publisher : Penguin Books; Illustrated edition (November 2, 2010)


Language: English


Best Sellers Rank: #5,711 in Books (See Top 100 in Books) #2 in Communication Reference (Books) #3 in Conversation Etiquette Guides #4 in Management Science


#2 in Communication Reference (Books):


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Top Amazon Reviews

    • Sexual harassment vignette could get your company sued
I read this as part of my employer’s training and successfully got a public acknowledgement that the disturbing and retrograde sexual harassment vignette in the book is inappropriate and counter to our company’s sexual harassment policy. The vignette says that women who are sexually harassed at work should tally their “contributions” to the harasser’s behavior (the book includes a chart saying a woman agreeing to meet one on one with a male colleague or paying attention to him would explain why he would engage in repeat, unwanted “provocative” behavior). The book recommends that a woman being sexually harassed at work determine how she has contributed to the harassment and apologize to her abuser for her actions. My company leadership was horrified by this portion of the book when I shared it. This advice, if taught, will get companies sued, and is potentially traumatizing for anyone who has experienced sexual assault or sexual harassment because it victim blames for illegal abuse and teaches abusers that their actions are justified. ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on August 13, 2020 by John
    • Help using my anger more productively and peacefully!
For several years I've been working in psychotherapy to actually feel my anger - and use it productively so that people don't walk all over me. I used to be such a people-pleaser, i didn't even know when I was angry... and then I would unknowingly turn all my anger on myself - in the form of depression and self-criticism. It can still take awhile for me to realize when I don't like something and am annoyed or frustrated. And when I get angry, I can still become very anxious so it's tempting to vent, thinking I'm so entitled and right. But venting always turns out bad. Now I'm committed to becoming aware when I don't like something - sooner and sooner - and setting boundary or at least expressing what I don't like. Enter this book. It is helping me do all the is MUCH more gracefully. At first I just wanted to set a boundary. Sometimes it came out harsh. Now I understand the importance of staying calm, compassionate and connected with the other person when expressing my likes and dislikes as well as when negotiating and compromising - and staying friends during the whole process! I'm still learning. And reading the book. I'm not depressed anymore. Really. It's really great. ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on July 17, 2016 by Catherine Lockwood
    • Reminds me of my first undergraduate counseling class
Very basic info. The conversations presented were not ones I would consider difficult as they only require basic counseling skills. For me difficult conversations would be things like addressing insubordination at work or having to tell a family member that they or someone they love has a terminal illness. Glad I got the book on a kindle sale for 1.99......wasn't what I was hoping for. ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on November 19, 2017 by Kindle Customer
    • Tools for investing in people, through conversation.
Great for yourself if needing tools to talk to your spouse, kids and family members you want to invest your life in. However, If your boss doesn't give a hoot about you then the conversation is one sided, and your doing the emotional and mental energy to have a conversation. It leaves you vulnerable, and it will cost you. Just like an investment. ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on August 6, 2018 by Scott
    • Improving Relationships Through Better Conversations
Conversations make up a significant portion of many of our days. Minor or major clashes can lead to issues at work and home, and may ultimately contribute to significant problems in our marriages, jobs, and friendships. Wishing for positive outcomes or for other people to be more reasonable seldom works. “Difficult Conversations,” written by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen, offers constructive tips on how to navigate through those encounters. The authors tell us that “…human interactions are complex. Trouble arises from the intersection of styles, behaviors, assumptions, and interests, not because one person is all good and the other all bad.” In a potentially volatile conversation, it is normal to hear what we think is being said without fully understanding the other person, which can lead to defensiveness and blame. At other times, we believe so strongly that what we are saying makes sense that we fail to recognize that what the other person is saying makes sense, too. Authors Stone/Patton/Heen offer up new paradigms in easily understood explanations. Countless examples of different conversations are offered, some demonstrating how many of us instinctively react followed by demonstrations of how we can turn the discussion around. While ideas like reflective listening are included, the authors target the problems that prevent us from achieving positive interaction, explaining how things like emotions can get in the way and how to deal with them. Reducing blame, managing what is referred to as The Three Conversations, and other helpful tips like reframing are fully explained in such a manner that it seems easy to add these tools to our repertoire and begin using them right away. The authors, however, recognize that these conversations are not always easy, and they also address those stumbling blocks with multiple examples. In the end, Stone/Patton/Heen can’t prepare us for every possibility to come alone, but if we perform the preparations outlined in the book, we can’t help but continue to improve and become more adept at using the ideas they have shared. If you would like to improve any of your work or personal relationships, this is a fantastic book. Five stars. ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on October 13, 2019 by Dee Arr
    • Should be a part of high school curriculum
As part of self improvement for communication skills I was encouraged by my manager to read this book. At first, I was hesitant because I had just read another (worth reading) book along a similar subject "Crucial Conversations" and because I didn't believe I had another 272 pages left to learn about conversations. I wasn't into this book a full chapter before I understood this book was going to be worth reading. This book should not be kept as a secret tool that successful people use to further their ambitions. I believe that this information should be shared broadly even if in a watered down version. I will be so bold even to say this should be a part of high school curriculum. The more any group of people are implementing these principles the more productive that group will be. ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on June 13, 2017 by Avery Ford

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