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Where to Draw the Line: How to Set Healthy Boundaries Every Day

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Description

From the acclaimed author of the perennial favorite Boundaries, Where to Draw the Line is a practical guide to establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries in many different situations. With every encounter, we either demonstrate that we’ll protect what we value or that we’ll give ourselves away. Healthy boundaries preserve our integrity. Unlike defenses, which isolate us from our true selves and from those we love, boundaries filter out harm. This book provides the tools and insights needed to create boundaries so that we can allow time and energy for the things that matter—and helps break down limiting defenses that stunt personal growth. Focusing on every facet of daily life—from friendships and sexual relationships to dress and appearance to money, food, and psychotherapy—Katherine presents case studies highlighting the ways in which individuals violate their own boundaries or let other people breach them. Using real-life examples, from self-sacrificing mothers to obsessive neat freaks, she offers specific advice on making choices that balance one’s own needs with the needs of others. Boundaries are the unseen structures that support healthy, productive lives. Where to Draw the Line shows readers how to strengthen them and hold them in place every day. Read more

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Fireside; Original ed. edition (August 18, 2000)


Language ‏ : ‎ English


Paperback ‏ : ‎ 288 pages


ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0684868067


ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 66


Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 12 ounces


Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.5 x 0.7 x 8.44 inches


Best Sellers Rank: #162,446 in Books (See Top 100 in Books) #840 in Interpersonal Relations (Books) #936 in Marriage #3,918 in Personal Transformation Self-Help


#840 in Interpersonal Relations (Books):


#936 in Marriage:


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If you place your order now, the estimated arrival date for this product is: May 13 – May 19

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Top Amazon Reviews

    • Everyone Has a Boundary That Needs Work
We all have challenges dealing with boundaries, and often have boundaries that are excellent in some areas, weak in others. I might be great at setting boundaries with my friends, yet struggle to do it with my boss or lover. This book delineates the difference between defense and a boundary, and best of all, gives practical scenarios and examples of what bad boundaries, look like in action, and how an unhappy situation might play out if good boundaries were used instead. I only had a few quibbles with this book, and for a book published 15 years ago, it is remarkably broad, and still easy to read. 1) While the bulk of the book does not take an overly religious slant, by the dedication and the contents of the chapter on Spiritual Boundaries, it is evident that the author holds belief in a singular, male deity referred to as God or The Lord, and seems to presume that so does everyone else, which may be triggering or non-applicable to some readers. 2) I also felt that parental boundary violations could have been emphasized more strongly, the so-called "helicopter parents" who do everything for their children even after they reach the legal age of adulthood. 3) And while clutter was briefly touched upon, the boundary violation that is the mental illness of hoarding, could also have used some expansion. But at least I now know how to turn down Aunt Mabel's candied sweet potatoes, in a loving yet firm way. And I love the early emphasis on time boundaries, on not squandering our time by giving it away to anyone who asks for it. This book is an excellent resource and I highly recommend it for everyone. ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on May 2, 2015 by Beverly Diehl
    • Great book! I highly recommend it!
This is a great book if you are struggling with understanding and defining boundaries. I really loved Anne's perspective and her thought process. Some of what she talks about is what I have learned through painful trial and error. So, if your boundaries feel fuzzy, this is a great book to get. I learned several new things and a clearer way of thinking about boundaries. For example: Anne talks about how it is the person with the lesser involvement who will define what sort of a relationship it is. This is true for all relationships. For example: If you have a friend who doesn't want a close friend but wants to keep you in their outer circle while you treat them as part of the inner circle, your friendship will remain a casual one. And this goes for romantic relationships and all other relationships. I had never quite thought about this so clearly. While we define our boundaries, we also need to be able to see other people's boundaries so we are clear and can create the relationships we want. This is just one example of something I learned from this book. This is a book that talks with clarity about this really important struggle in many of our lives. Highly recommend! ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on January 30, 2020 by Ritu K.
    • Very good, but mixes apples with bananas
This is a very comprehensive book on setting and keeping healthy boundaries and handling boundary infringements successfully. There are many real life examples and conversations used to show how the boundaries are trespassed, and a retake on them to demonstrate how the issue could and should have been handled. There are many practical items of advice that you can take and apply to your life to keep and restore your boundaries. You will find yourself (or people you relate to) reflected in many of the behaviours described in the book, too. The first 11 chapters are the ones with more detailed information and more insight on boundaries. I especially liked the chapter about anger management and friends. The second part of the book focus more on daily life aspects of human relationships, and, except for some chapters (like sexual, Internet, therapist boundaries), I would consider most of the issues discussed there an etiquette or tact issue more than a proper boundary issue. The book is very easy to read, easy to understand, very didactic, and very well structured, and you can make it a manual to check different issues at different times. The main downside of the book is the fact that trifle matters like vacations or gifts are discussed with family rape and domestic violence. Those things should never be put together. Never ever. The same applies to the gender issues discussed here. I agree with all it is said about gender, but a book on boundaries is not, from my point of view, the place to discuss gender bias. ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on June 22, 2013 by M. T. D. C. M.
    • Good advice for a variety of situations
This is an excellent practical resource on how to set boundaries. I’d recommend starting with _Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin_ to set the stage for what boundaries are and why you want/need them. For many people, this comes naturally as you grow up. If you come from a family with codependent / narcissistic / abusive traits, this can seem like a foreign concept. I got this book for someone close to me, but I also read it myself. It was a huge eye-opener for my friend, and it helped me know how to best support them as they start to enforce boundaries with the toxic people in their life. I highly recommend both this and her original Boundaries book. Basically, setting boundaries is communicating to others how you want to be treated. Enforcing those boundaries can sometimes be uncomfortable, as you do have stand up to someone who isn’t respecting you. This book helps you understand how to approach setting and enforcing boundaries, particularly with unhealthy people who would rather exert control over you. There is no religious component to the books, other than addressing what appropriate boundaries should be with people in positions of power, like clergy. This was a positive thing for me, although there are religious based books on boundaries if that’s your preference. ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on June 15, 2018 by Rebecca M.

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