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Trapped in the Mirror: Adult Children of Narcissists in their Struggle for Self

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Description

In this compelling book, Elan Golomb identifies the crux of the emotional and psychological problems of millions of adults. Simply put, the children of narcissist -- offspring of parents whose interest always towered above the most basic needs of their sons and daughters -- share a common belief: They believe they do not have the right to exist. The difficulties experienced by adult children of narcissists can manifest themselves in many ways: for examples, physical self-loathing that takes form of overeating, anorexia, or bulimia; a self-destructive streak that causes poor job performance and rocky personal relationships; or a struggle with the self that is perpetuated in the adult's interaction with his or her own children. These dilemmas are both common and correctable, Dr. Golomb tells us. With an empathic blend of scholarship and case studies, along with her own personal narrative of her fight for self, Dr. Golomb plumbs the depths of this problem, revealing its mysterious hold on the affairs of otherwise bright, aware, motivated, and worthy people. Trapped in the Mirror explores.the nature of the paralysis and lack of motivation so many adults feelstress and its role in exacerbating childhood wrongswhy do many of our relationships seem to be "reruns" of the pasthow one's body image can be formed by faulty parenting how anger must be acknowledge to be overcomeand, most important, how even the most traumatized self can be healed.Rooted in a profoundly humanist traditional approach, and suffused with the benefit of the latest knowledge about intrafamily relationships, Trapped in the Mirror offers more than the average self-help book; it is truly the first self-heal book for millions. Read more

Publisher ‏ : ‎ William Morrow & Company, Inc.


Publication date ‏ : ‎ March 28, 1995


Edition ‏ : ‎ Reprint


Language ‏ : ‎ English


Print length ‏ : ‎ 272 pages


ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0688140718


ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 17


Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 13.6 ounces


Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6.12 x 0.68 x 9.25 inches


Best Sellers Rank: #61,370 in Books (See Top 100 in Books) #49 in Parent & Adult Child Relationships (Books) #93 in Abuse Self-Help #158 in Popular Psychology Personality Study


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Top Amazon Reviews

    • The Face In The Mirror Book
Format: Paperback
This is a brilliant book explaining a serious mental illness that has a profound impact on children of narcissistic parents. Reading this book provided me with insights and I have purchased copies for others.
Reviewed in the United States on January 4, 2026 by R daugh
    • Nothing short of Divine Intervention.
Format: Kindle
The first 1/3rd of the book used terms requiring a dictionary to understand, even in context - not a problem for me though, I love learning. But if you really want to understand yourself, your parents or guardians, then you will wade through the first third of the book; it can be hard reading but worth every effort. Decades of trying to help myself understand why I have certain thoughts and behaviors, always running into walls just short of successes, failing at love, with others, and even simple tasks and projects, and using spiritual introspection and meditation to help me understand me, provided so much disjointed knowledge that I may have floundered forever in darkness had Trapped in the Mirror not come into my life through a totally unexpected source. To me it's nothing short of Divine Intervention. The author used a number of clinical examples to detail Narcissistic Personality Disorder with descriptive behaviors that I had previously understood in a round-about way but could not fit the information I had gleaned and learned into any form of comprehensive perspective. All my years of self study provided many answers but the information rolled around in my head in a sort of chaotic jumble until Elan connected the dots. The sudden realization of validation was overwhelming, epiphany after epiphany threw tons of bricks off my shoulders with each page well before I had finished the book the first time. I began to understand things about myself and the behavior of my parents and others that I never considered before. Answers, many answers, that eluded me for a lifetime came into view and the pall of darkness that shrouded my existence suddenly lifted and a light flooded my world. Confusion turned to understanding so clear it was as if Elam's book was a message from God that unlocked my very soul and set it free! Years of emotional pain, anguish, and anger were transmuted to deep sadness with rivers of tears containing every emotion possible, and then compassion washed over me and all I could do was feel acceptance and love, for me, for my brothers and sisters, and my narcissistic parents. A Divine Gift that changed history and is mending long strained family relationships. I am still unable to abide them, my parents, but I am no longer stuck from a personal development perspective, I can move forward and evolve into what I was meant to be. Perhaps one day I will even try to help my parents. But for now, I AM FREE! From the bottom of my heart, Thank You Elan! Raymond ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on March 30, 2013 by Raymond
    • Personal life-changing insights will surface when you work w/ this book!
Format: Paperback
This book is filled with (& triggers) so many insights that I've just finished reading it for the 4th time in as many years. It's a book meant to be absorbed, not just read through once & passed along. Why? Because the impact of having narcissistic parents can be really complicated and there just isn't a single cure for us all. It's definitely not for the "USA Today, CNN, text me the answer, give it to me in 3 lines or less" kind of crowd. That's for sure! This ground-breaking author wrote this still very valid book to help us understand more than the elements of narcissism. She wants to help us figure out for ourselves how being a child of narcissists us through the process of thinking about her examples & stories with newly educated eyes. While I also loved, "The Wizard of Oz & Other Narcissists" by Eleanor Payson (I loved it so much I asked her if I could narrate it for her & I did), this combination of books really gives you the practical & profound explanations & experiences needed to heal the multi-layered wounds & incredibly tangled up defense structures caused by (& truly needed to survive) growing up with narcissistic parent(s). This is more like a workbook deserving of study breaks & profound periods of brutally honest self-reflection. It's true, this isn't a book for those wanting quick, snappy answers. It's for people willing & wanting to do the hard work to mine the priceless treasures from this book. In my experience & those of several I've recommended it to, it's worth the effort in ways that most of us can't imagine possible until the "ah ha's" begin to surface and the hope for emotional well-being is actually felt as a real possibility. Oh, by the way, your vocabulary is going to improve as well, if you're interested in that kind of thing. I had to look up 78 words, most too long for "Words with Friends" & definitely not easy to work into everyday conversation...but a bonus nonetheless. After admiring her for years, I just had a consultation with her last Sunday for a project. I teased her about her amazing vocabulary and she laughed with me about that. I like that in an author. I also believe that anyone who decides to get serious about healing your narcissistic wounds will find your own treasures in this book. ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on July 1, 2014 by Cathryn007Doyle
    • Narcissism Dissected
Format: Paperback
As the daughter of a narcissistic mother, I knew that I've been beaten down, but the nuances Golomb shared have given me such clarity. If you are the child of a narcissistic parent; in a narcissistic relationship,and have issues without really understanding why you have those particular issues, this book can be of help. Don't swallow it hook, line, and sinker; but do read and absorb the parts that relate to you. Be prepared to not want to see the most glaring offender. I wanted to distance myself from my mother for a minute just so I could calm down and gain some perspective. This thing is generational and is such a horrid legacy. Please heed the sections about the narcissist's blind spots because if you believe that you will be able to make them see what they have been/are doing to you, you will be sorely disappointed. I am sixty years old and have just begun to be my own person within the past couple of years with the help of an excellent psychotherapist, who recommended this book to me. Peace and Joy! ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on December 28, 2008 by Sarah McCormick
    • Books
Format: Paperback
Great read
Reviewed in the United States on March 14, 2026 by Shaner

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