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At a glance
- Condition
- New
- Dimensions
- 5.5 x 1 x 8.38 in
- Weight
- 10.9 oz
- Publisher
- Simon & Schuster
- Publication date
- March 12, 2024
- Language
- English
- Print length
- 192 pages
Description
“This moving memoir is always attuned to the possibilities of community and spiritual sustenance, even as it refuses to efface the struggles at its core—believing that this struggle, too, can be a thing of beauty.” —Leslie Jamison, author of The Recovering In this revelatory memoir, Anna Gazmarian tells the story of how her evangelical upbringing in North Carolina failed to help her understand the mental health diagnosis she received, and the work she had to do to find proper medical treatment while also maintaining her faith. When Anna is diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2011, she’s faced with a conundrum: while the diagnosis provides clarity about her manic and depressive episodes, she must confront the stigma that her evangelical community attaches to her condition. Over the course of ten years, we follow Anna on her journey to reframe her understanding of mental health to expand the limits of what her religious practice can offer. In Devout: A Memoir of Doubt, Anna shows that pursuing our emotional health and our spiritual well-being is one single mission and, in both cases, an act of faith. Read more
Specs 8
| Publisher | Simon & Schuster |
|---|---|
| Publication date | March 12, 2024 |
| Language | English |
| Print length | 192 pages |
| ISBN-10 | 1668004038 |
| ISBN-13 | 36 |
| Item Weight | 10.9 ounces |
| Dimensions | 5.5 x 1 x 8.38 inches |
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Top Amazon Reviews
I can relate.
Format: Kindle
While I don’t consider myself a Christian, I went though similar situations while I still was when I was Christian and diagnosed with MS at 22. That’s almost 50 years ago and my faith continues with much of the same beliefs but expanded to include aspect of different faith traditions. Thanks for sharing your story.
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Reviewed in the United States on May 27, 2024 by Linda Halvorson
Journeys last a lifetime
Format: Hardcover
Anna did a superb job of writing and describing her journey of bipolar disorder and reconstructing her faith. I would have gladly given this five stars except for one thing. *SPOILER ALERT* I too have deconstructed and reconstructed my evangelical faith, and it disturbed me that Anna landed on a contradiction to the Scriptures at the end of the book. I can certainly understand why someone would want to believe that God could never send anyone to hell. In actuality, He doesn’t send anyone there who doesn’t want to go! Some choose eternal separation from God (and the fires of hell) instead of gratefully acknowledging Jesus as God’s Son who exchanged His perfect obedience for our rebellious nature and sins, and took the wrath of God for us on the cross. Just because we, as humans, cannot fathom the white hot fire of God‘s holiness, does not mean that He lied in the Scriptures. As an example, if a human from the deep-jungle of Papua New Guinea who had never heard of the outside world were somehow plucked and brought to a western hospital for a life-saving surgery, they might shriek at the sight of a room filled with bright lights, masked people and a sharp knife being used to open their abdomen to save their life. It would seem barbaric and completely confusing. But we know that is not true. We know that lives are saved in sterile operating rooms. We humans cannot understand God‘s ways. But someday it will all make sense. I hope and pray that Anna‘s faith continues to expand to validate the word of God. She is an amazing person!
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Reviewed in the United States on November 30, 2024 by J. Dalton
Its Power Sneaks Up On You
Format: Audiobook
We've come to expect a certain sense of drama when it comes to memoirs centered around mental health, a sort of chaos meets crisis narrative arc. Yet, as I was winding down my time with Anna Gazmarian's "Devout: A Memoir of Doubt," I was struck by a sense of almost eerie calm. It was unusual, really. It was surprising. To be honest, it was a little jarring. It wasn't that Gazmarian hadn't invited me into her world, especially her world of the past 10-12 years after she was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, Type 2, in 2011. She had. She writes with honesty and vulnerability throughout "Devout." I have read quite a few memoirs dealing around aspects of faith and mental health, a fact partly owing to my own background and partly owing to having lost my wife to suicide. In most cases, these memoirs may be beautifully written but I often find that they center themselves around an almost cosmetic view of faith or, alternately, the trauma and drama of the mental health diagnosis. Both are valuable. Both are necessary. Yet, with "Devout" I am struck by how centered it is around Anna herself. There's a difference and it feels profound. It feels as if "Devout" lays the groundwork for how one should write about mental health and faith, disability and faith, trauma and faith and so on. While there's certainly trauma here and certainly drama here, "Devout" finds its narrative power through the lens of Anna's constant searching for her own life's meaning, for human connection, and for how to reconcile her faith with a mental health diagnosis she was raised being told was an affliction of the spirit. As a paraplegic/double amputee with spina bifida (and a very recent two-time cancer survivor), I resonated deeply with Anna's struggle to balance her deep faith, which is evident throughout, and a diagnosis that doesn't look or feel like the pretty pictures we're sold about what a life of faith will look like. I have been told more times than I can count that my various afflictions are the result of a lack of faith, a spiritual affliction, or I have had people shake their heads at me because I refuse to simply gloss over it all because, well, Jesus. You know? Somehow, Gazmarian paints a beautiful portrait of her faith journey yet an equally honest and beautiful portrait of her journey toward learning to live faithfully with a mental health diagnosis. She shares the struggles with those who don't understand, the joys of experiencing those who do, the poignancy of finding meaningful relationships, and the power of leaning into your dreams despite the uncertainty of them all. I so often finish books like "Doubt" with a sense of melancholy. With "Devout," I experienced the author's highs and lows but also her constant sense of wonder, hope, perseverance, and faith. In fact, I'd dare say that as the final pages arrived I was immersed in an absolutely remarkable sense of faith. The real power of "Devout" sneaks up on you. It's in the days that follow reading "Devout" that you begin to realize how much it has crept into your heart and into your mind. "Devout" may be a memoir of doubt, but it is most certainly an affirmation of love and hope and faith and the glorious imperfections that connect us all.
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Reviewed in the United States on March 17, 2024 by Richard P.
A beautiful, heartfelt examination of faith and mental health issues
Format: Kindle
I was attracted to this book because…I met the author at my MFA residency, where she was a visiting writer. I related to her journey with mental health issues and faith. This book was about Anna’s journey through faith and mental health issues in her life as a young college student, then wife and mother. For those of us who grew up in evangelical faith backgrounds, we were taught all we needed to overcome depression was seeking joy in faith. This view is not tolerant of physical problems and the tremendous stress of the cultural we live in. Anna is honest in her personal battles with the stories of faith from the Bible and her physical experiences she experienced in her body. She tells of the differences in diagnosis from different professionals, the failure of the medicines to make a difference, to being told she was treatment resistant. She also speaks of the experimental treatments she has tried. She discusses the impact of the disease on herself and her family. Things I liked about this book. Anna wrote a beautiful, knowledgable, and heartfelt book of her experiences with mental health and her struggles with her knowledge of faith. She doesn’t not walk away from the essential elements of faith, but grow closer in her relationship with Jesus. I felt like she was writing letters to me as a friend. Why you should read this book This book will give you a better idea of the struggle faced by those for are believers and face mental health issues. Anna explanations of both issues, faith and mental health, show her deep knowledge of these topics.
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Reviewed in the United States on January 20, 2025 by Lynda L. Blevins
Powerful & vulnerable, but doesn't go far enough
Format: Hardcover
As someone raised in the Evangelical church who has also struggled with my own faith, I was eager to read this book and wanted much more from it. Gazmarian's writing is powerful and vulnerable. It's a heartbreaking yet hopeful story of what it's like to deal with a life-changing diagnosis and of coming to terms with one's faith, but for me it didn't go far enough. Gazmarian experiences great trauma and emotional neglect at the hands of people in her church community and her own immediate family, but stays in the church and does not abandon her faith. Yes, there is doubt, but never to the point of questioning her beliefs in the first place. I wanted to see more critique of the harm caused by the church, especially for those hurting and struggling with illness (mental or otherwise), and I wanted a better understanding of what keeps her devoted to her faith and, in particular, why she chooses to remain in the church. That said, it's definitely a story that will help others with similar experiences feel less alone.
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Reviewed in the United States on March 13, 2024 by Janna Maron
Devout
Format: Hardcover
In DEVOUT, Anna Gazmarian tells her story of growing up as an evangelical Christian, being diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and how exhausting it was to be open about her struggles within Christian spaces. I felt a sort of kinship with this author because she lives in Winston-Salem, NC (in Eastern NC, where I'm from) and has had a complicated relationship with the Church. Because of this kinship, I for once hesitated to review a memoir, but I want to be honest about why I believe it could've been executed a lot better. The problem isn't the premise—this memoir didn't come together very well because the writing is so detached. It felt disconnected, lacking in emotion and the type of introspection I'd expect from a professional writer (versus a celebrity memoir). The book is billed as a "memoir of doubt," but it barely goes into doubt at all. Instead, it's filled with stories of the author's interactions with people in her life, details on the various medications she tried, and her musings on a few Bible stories. I appreciate Gazmarian's vulnerability and have a lot of respect for her story in itself. But as someone who reads a lot of memoirs, I believe they require both show and tell to make the story as moving and engaging as it can be. There is a lot of "tell" here, and the book reads like someone is casually recounting something that happened to them with little detail, creative flair, or emotional depth. There's so much that could have been explored—how she dealt with faith and science in light of her diagnosis, at what point her view of the Church shifted, how and why she found her way back, why exactly the logical fallacies she was up against are, in fact, logical fallacies, etc. Gazmarian's mental health struggles and diagnosis no doubt caused her to question her faith and fall into isolation, but that isn't examined in any meaningful detail in DEVOUT. Bad theology made her search for community and understanding so much harder, and this book was a missed opportunity to correct some wrongs. I'd still recommend this book to those who are interested in a broad overview of life with bipolar disorder from a Christian perspective, but I can't help but wish it went so much further. *This review is based on a digital ARC provided by the publisher. All opinions are 100% my own.
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Reviewed in the United States on June 25, 2024 by Shannon Whitehead
Such an important discussion!
Format: Kindle
I'd recommend this book to anyone who has a person with mental illness in their life, which is the vast majority of us, I think. While Gazmarian comes from an evangelical background, I think most of us can relate to this book because we all have preconceived notions from our upbringing and the culture in which we were raised. I'm grateful for this book which has given me insight into what it is like to live with bipolar disease. To my dismay, I am quite sure I've given a few of the platitudes that were said to Gazmarian and were so harmful, even when trying to be supportive. I hope to be a better ally and I believe this book will help me to do so.
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Reviewed in the United States on April 3, 2024 by Laurie
Loved this memoir
Format: Hardcover
Devout: A Memoir of Doubt by Anna Gazmarian is a raw and honest memoir of her experience growing up in a conservative American Evangelical church and dealing with a bipolar disorder. diagnosis that upends her world. Her story starts when she is in college and receives a bipolar disorder diagnosis after years of unusual behaviors like manic episodes, obsessiveness, and depression. She seeks counsel from trusted church leaders and mentors, only to find that the comfort she hopes for feels trite and unhelpful. As a devout believer, she'd already tried the typical "Christian" ways of handling her illness - prayer, reading the Bible, and advice from pastors - but none of it made a dent and sometimes it made her feel worse. Well-meaning people told her to "cast her anxieties on Jesus!" and "just try to be happy!" Each of these encounters left her feeling unheard, misunderstood, and hopeless. Eventually, she placed herself under the care of a psychiatrist who was able to help her manage her bipolar symptoms with different cocktails of medication. Anna Gazmarian's memoir takes us through her life up to now - through periods of deep depression and inability to function, periods of happiness and love, and her education in creative writing. Her journey is not unique, and it exposes shortcomings within the American Evangelical church system that traumatize and fail people again and again. This book was a quick read that I finished in a day. Gazmarian's story is vitally important and one that is often overlooked or written off by evangalicals. It is easy for someone with a mental illness and diagnosis - or even just a complex problem - to feel dismissed and invalidated by the church. We need more stories like this to show that people can come through such issues and keep their faith in Jesus even if it doesn't look the same as it did before. We need more stories that show us this is ok. I liked how she shared her experiences talking to Christians about her problems and how she felt in those moments. She gave background about various Biblical principles that led her to believe certain things and how her experience of life ultimately forced her to change her approach. I skimmed a lot of the Biblical descriptions because it was mostly things I knew already. The writing was well done, although I did sense some of the manic thought processes in a few areas - but it adds to the authenticity of her story. I think many people will feel seen when they read this. I applaud Anna Gazmarian for her bravery in sharing this open and sometimes heartbreaking tale of her life. If you are someone who has experienced a similar situation or you want to better understand what it is like for a devout Christian believer to face a serious mental diagnosis, then you need to read Anna Gazmarian's memoir.
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Reviewed in the United States on March 17, 2024 by Kyle Horst