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Dale Carnegie

How to Win Friends & Influence People

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Format: Paperback


Description

You can go after the job you want—and get it! You can take the job you have—and improve it! You can take any situation—and make it work for you! Dale Carnegie’s rock-solid, time-tested advice has carried countless people up the ladder of success in their business and personal lives. One of the most groundbreaking and timeless bestsellers of all time, How to Win Friends & Influence People will teach you: -Six ways to make people like you -Twelve ways to win people to your way of thinking -Nine ways to change people without arousing resentment And much more! Achieve your maximum potential—a must-read for the twenty-first century with more than 15 million copies sold! Read more


Publisher ‏ : ‎ Pocket Books (October 1, 1998)


Language ‏ : ‎ English


Paperback ‏ : ‎ 320 pages


ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0671027034


ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 32


Lexile measure ‏ : ‎ 1020L


Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 10.4 ounces


Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 8.25 x 5 x 0.8 inches


Best Sellers Rank: #218 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)


Customer Reviews: 4.7 out of 5 stars 82,103 ratings


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Top Amazon Reviews

    • A book essential to any working professional's toolbox.
I would like to begin the review by stating I have always found the title of this book incredibly off-putting. I understand that it is meant to draw a customer’s attention, but the title, to me, does not at all represent the product. This book is not a self-help book for people who want to make friends. It is a book that reiterates the basic tenants of leadership in a work environment. Point being, don’t let the kitsch title keep you from giving this book a chance, there is good information here. My father handed this book to me when I was a young adult and I was about to make the leap into the working world. He told me that it held the keys to effective leadership. I bucked against reading it for a while before finally relenting (I was a precocious teenager and obviously already knew everything the world had to offer), and again, the title of the book seriously repelled me. Since initially relenting, I have now read this book multiple times throughout the years, and it never fails to pull me back into reality. From time to time I even find myself subconsciously summarizing Carnegie while hosting leadership training or while mentoring my workers. This almost always prompts me to pick the book back up again. (I really enjoy reading through all of the notes I've scribbled in the margins over the years. It's always an interesting dive into your own subconscious through the ability to see such a time capsule: what is basically a time-stamped example of opinions and the ever-changing priorities of your own ideals. That is neither here nor there though; my love for actual physical books as well as my preference for writing my responses and opinions all over the pages is not really relevant to this review. Just a tangent.) What I find so intriguing about Carnegie's concepts are that they are so obviously all just common sense. There are absolutely *zero* revelations here. You will learn nothing new about interpersonal relationships, leadership, or mentorship; every new chapter that you embark on is so 'in-your-face' obvious that you almost want to smack your own forehead like an over-dramatic soap opera star; stating "OF COURSE". Despite this fact; (I personally feel) it really is important to read all of these *truths* of life... ironically enough, exactly because they are such common sense statements: ** The "well, duh" aspect of Carnegie's "rules" is the very same trait that allows us to breeze right on past them in our daily life. ** Because every single one of these "rules" is a statement that we all assume to be an innate and universally understood fact of human life, they are never actually in the forefront of our minds. This means that they become almost immediately forgettable because we already understand them to be true - and therefore we assume that they already inform our behavior; but in reality, we have simply acknowledged them as truth and stuffed them into a tiny little corner of our memory. Reading Carnegie's book shines a spotlight onto that corner, blows the mounds of dust off these ideas, and prompts us to compare our recent behaviors against these "known" truths. This is the reason why I have read Carnegie's book so many times. For me, it almost feels like re-orienting your personal compass. No matter how many times I pull these rules to the forefront of my consciousness, because of their nature as such obvious truths, they always subtly begin to slip back into the recesses of my mind. I like to pull out this book every so often and give my brain a nice jolt. There is no need to even sit down and read the entire book at once, it is organized as a list that is already categorized into sections relative to specific sub-tasks involved in interpersonal communication. “How to Win Friends and Influence People” is one of Warren Buffett’s favorite books, so if you’re a working professional that’s probably enough to pique your interest. It was originally written in 1937 and draws key wisdom from the lives of Abraham Lincoln and contemporary psychology of the time, namely the works of Sigmund Freud. Despite this, the information remains relevant - which I find to be quite a feat. Many of the statements Carnegie makes are actually reminiscent of Skinner’s operant conditioning, although I don’t believe he ever outright states this. To give a brief summary, the book is broken into segments titled: “techniques in handling people”, “ways to make people like you”, “win people to your way of thinking”, and “be a leader: how to change people without giving offense or arousing resentment”. Each of these segments includes chapters that explain the subsequent “rules” and provide interesting examples. Again, I would like to point out that this is not a book for people looking to make friends; despite one of some of the segment titles, such as: “ways to make people like you”, it does not preach methods of fostering friendships - instead this particular segment is pertinent to leadership because of Carnegie’s statement earlier on that: people will never do anything unless they actually *want* to do so. This is a truth of life; you can use your position of power to compel (force) a person into completing a task, but unless you create an actual want or desire within that person, they will cease their actions as soon as that power is removed (or you turn your back). Thus, the segment about making people like you provides rules that are geared toward earning your worker’s trust and respect so that they actually want to work for you, vice using your position of power to essentially strong-arm them into doing your bidding.
 Here are the segments and rules: Techniques in Handling People: 
 Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain. Give honest and sincere appreciation. Arouse in the other person an eager want. Six Ways to Make People Like You: Become genuinely interested in other people. Smile. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests. Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely. Win People to Your Way of Thinking: The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “you’re wrong”. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically. Begin in a friendly way. Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires. Appeal to the nobler motives. Dramatize your ideas. Throw down a challenge. Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment: Begin with praise and honest appreciation. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders. Let the other person save face. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.” Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest. Again, this all seems like common sense when you read it, but in practice it does become much more difficult to stick to - especially when you personally are put-off (or simply just dislike) one or some of the people that you work with on a daily basis. It’s also difficult to remember that you are not always the person in the position of power; often you are on the other end of these situations and must give up the controlling position in the conversation - let them lead. It’s key to keep in mind (and Carnegie reiterates this) that no matter what situation you walk into, whether you are the person who is leading the change, or whether you are the person who needs to undergo change, the person with whom you are conversing ALWAYS believes that they are superior to you in some way. It does not matter how exceptional or horrible their work performance may be, they truly and sincerely believe that they are the superior person even if they do not state this, and even if they pander to you as if you are someone they look up to. Carnegie also emphasizes how important it is to avoid arguments. He states that even if you “win” an argument you are still the loser. The results are all negative. You never want to humiliate a person, you will loose the trust and respect that you’ve worked to build. He quotes and old saying “A man convinced against his will/Is of the same opinion still”; meaning they may relent in the moment, but in actuality you may have solidified their original opinion by putting them in a position to defend it. Its quite difficult to avoid arguments because it’s human nature to meet aggression with aggression - we have to consciously make the choice to sit back and let a person release their ill-will without meeting them there. Take that verbal beating! The biggest point I always get from reading this book is how paramount and fragile the human ego is. It’s the driving factor behind the opinions and actions of every human on earth. At the end of the way, everyone is concerned with themselves. There are no truly selfless acts, someone is always “getting something” (fulfilling some need) from their actions, even if it is simply a feeling of importance or happiness. Every single person on earth is starved for attention and/or recognition in some way. They want to be seen, no matter if they are willing to admit this to others (or even to themselves). If you can fulfill that need for them, you’ve got them. It is so key to simply make it known that “I see you”. Anyway, I know this is a long and winding review, but my points are thus: if you are looking for a self-help book that will provide teachings on how to make friends, this is not for you. If you are a working professional who is, or may be placed into, a position of leadership - this book is definitely for you. Even if you do not think you need any advice (because you’ve obviously already the best!), this book is priceless. It not only provides you insight into your own actions, but gives you a window into the actions and choices of those you work with/for. As stated, we are not always the main player in a situation, sometimes we are the person that this book talks about dealing with. Sitting back and letting the other person take charge (while understanding where they are coming from) also makes us better workers. Everyone is both a subordinate and a leader; everyone has someone else they answer to. A full birds-eye view of the situation can only provide us with more tools for our toolbox! ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on November 26, 2017 by MISS MARIE
    • You Can Learn to be Likable.
You can learn to be likable. That is the message of How to Make Friends and Influence People. The book explains how in easy to understand chapters. Many who survived the teenage years may doubt that there is much moral significance in being liked. They attended high schools where the most accomplished bullies were often the most popular boys. The most popular girls were frequently Queen Bees and Mean Girls. Fortunately, most people mellow out when they become grownups. Adults are rarely gratuitously cruel. Most adults respond positively to the methods Dale Carnegie teaches in this classic. For years I felt condescending toward How to Win Friends and Influence People. When I finally read it I found it to contain common sense, common courtesy, and good mental hygiene. Dale Carnegie illustrates his points with quotes from some of the world’s greatest writers. Nevertheless, his book is easy to understand. He ends every chapter with one or two sentences that summarize the chapter. The early chapters provide advice that works with most people most of the time. Smile. Be a good and sympathetic listener. Remember people’s names. “Give honest and sincere appreciation.” Dale Carnegie insufficiently draws attention to the fact that in order to do well socially one often has to compromise between what one wants to do, and what is appropriate in the situation. Smile, even when you do not feel like smiling. Listen sympathetically to others, even when they are not fascinating conversationalists. Dale Carnegie’s advice will be less congenial and more difficult to follow for those who can most benefit from it. This is particularly true for those with introverted personalities, like me. I enjoy solitude or the company of a close friend. Nevertheless, over the years, and with Dale Carnegie’s advice, I have learned to behave more like an extrovert in social situations. I do not mean that I become socially aggressive. I do mean that I make a point of listening to those who want to talk to me, and that I treat everyone with courtesy and respect. I will never brighten a room by entering it. I will never be the life of a party. I have learned to avoid needlessly alienating people. It is always a good idea, especially with people you don’t know very well, to let them do most of the talking. With people you do not know well it is probably a good idea not to introduce topics into the discussion. Instead, occasionally contribute to topics already raised to demonstrate that you have been paying attention. Dale Carnegie likes to quote famous people. He ought to have included two quotes from Calvin Coolidge. “I have never been hurt by what I have not said,” and, “No man ever listened himself out of a job.” I wish I had heard and headed that advice earlier in life. Dale Carnegie’s advice on how to win friends is better than his advice on how to influence people. It is difficult to change attitudes. You should not always try. You should never try to get someone to do something that is in your interest, but not in the other person’s. This certainly includes asking for a raise. A good relationship with your immediate supervisor is usually the most important single factor in a job. If your boss is an employee like you are he or she only has so much money in the budget for raises. More for you means less for others. Even if your boss owns the company, asking for a raise will probably harm your relationship with him or her. The first part of Dale Carnegie’s book is about being liked. It will work with most people most of the time. The second part is about influencing people. It will not always work. It will not always work for everyone. You can know how to do something and still not be able to do it. Dale Carnegie presents two examples of a young man who got a well paying job with a self made millionaire by telling the millionarie how much he admired him for rising from poverty to wealth. I have read How to Win Friends & Influence People five times. I still could not do that. I would be better off if I could, but I could not. I could express my admiration of someone who was picked on as a teenager by high school bullies, took martial arts lessons, and became an accomplished martial artist. I could express my appreciation of someone who never finished high school, but who became widely read and well informed in public libraries. In these cases I would neither ask for, nor would I expect any reward, other than the friendship of two fascinating individuals. Dale Carnegie devotes much of his book explaining how bosses can get better performance from their subordinates. Other than explaining how to win the affection of others, he gives no advice on how to deal with an unsympathetic boss. Some bosses for reasons of their own will dislike you even if you try to be nice. A boss who does not like you will ignore your accomplishments, exaggerate the significance of your mistakes, and place you in situations where you are likely to make mistakes. Some will do this deliberately. Others will do it subconsciously. My advice for unsympathetic bosses, and Dale Carnegie does give this this advice generally, is first of all do not argue with your boss. If he or she reprimands you, sit there and take it. Be aware, as painful as this may be, that some of your boss's criticism may be valid. Second, try to understand why the boss is the way he or she is. Try to understand how it feels to be that person. Additionally, and this is my advice, avoid expressing hostility for the boss to a co-worker unless you know the co-worker feels the same way. You do not want your boss to learn from the grapevine that you think he or she is an incompetent bully who owes his or position to office politics, even if this is obviously true. Dale Carnegie advises his readers to read each chapter twice, and to try to use everything he advises. What has worked for me has been to read the book straight through every few years or so. Also, I try to have a sense of what will work for me, and what will not. The book is not infallible. It has been benefited me. Over the years, and largely as a result of reading this book, I have acquired a personality that enables me to be liked by people with whom I do not have anything obviously in common. Some people never acquire this ability. My life would be better if I had acquired it much earlier. ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on April 17, 2015 by John Engelman
    • Helps you understand how to communicate
This book really dices into how to have conversations with people, how to keep them engaged, and also how to make them feel important, heard and appreciated when you are having conversations with them wether its personal professional or intimately. Very good and insightful read and can be used as a reference as well to go back and focus in on the skill of communication ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on December 15, 2022 by Phelicia
    • Helpful new perspective
I gained some great new perspectives on how to confidently interact and confront people on a daily basis. The book can be repetitive and choc full of anecdotes but that is what helps engrain these concepts into your life. I am more of an introvert by nature. This book shows how to speak up and engage with people by understanding what it is that motivates people, and knowing what it is people really want to hear. It really is analysis on human nature, our basic wants/ needs and social instincts. ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on November 28, 2022 by Chad Hilton

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